My daughter is currently going through the difficult stage of accepting losing in games (which didn’t used to be such a problem). I’m sure we all know the one because I actually have yet to meet a child that doesn’t experience it to some degree. The other day she experienced a loss in Candyland coupled with being hungry. Needless to say, a full-on meltdown ensued. She went … [Read more...]
Does New Research Really Say Punishment Is Helpful?
The other day I opened up my beloved Science Daily to find the following headline: “Punishing a Child is Effective if Done Correctly”. After I managed to regulate my blood pressure, I went on to read the article for I had to know exactly what was going on. All the research I have read in recent years doesn’t support this view at all – from time outs to spankings, the evidence … [Read more...]
When Anger Isn’t Really Anger: The Relationship Between Fear and Anger
This other weekend my daughter learned to ride a two-wheeler bike (no training wheels). My husband and I weren’t too sure what to expect as she had been using the push bike and had decent balance, but she just turned five and we remember being older. However, by and large, the experience was great. She had it down in thirty minutes so long as my husband started her off. … [Read more...]
Helping Kids Find Alternatives to “the Tantrum”
Recently, I received a question from a parent to the tune of, “What are the alternatives to a tantrum that you teach your child?” It was a great question as I have spoken at length about the need to help our children find alternatives, yet had offered no alternatives (see this piece here). In fairness, part of the reason I offer no concrete solutions (which you won’t see here … [Read more...]
Tantrums: Moving Beyond the Black and White of Ignoring or Giving In
Abstract In this article I discuss what a tantrum is, why the typical responses are incorrect, and a method for handling tantrums that will help families in the long-term. Contrary to popular belief, a tantrum is not a means for a child to piss you off, but rather to express overwhelming emotions that the child is struggling with. The ideas of “trying to get attention” or … [Read more...]
“My Toddler Won’t Listen to Me!”
One of the things I hear parents lamenting more than anything as their sweet bundle of joy turns into a talking and walking toddler is that suddenly they have yet another person in the house who doesn’t listen to them. For some strange reason, parents often expect a toddler to listen to them and it is infuriating when they don’t. Now, I’m not saying we should all expect our … [Read more...]
Setting Boundaries
The discussion of boundaries is an inevitable one amongst parents. We know that we have to set boundaries for our children as it keeps them healthy, happy, and safe. Despite all this, many people get very confused about where we ought to set boundaries. Those of us who practice “gentle” parenting are often accused of being too permissive; I myself have been told my daughter … [Read more...]
Gentle Parenting in the Face of Flour
A mom on EP shared this video with me: Can you imagine? How do you react? In our society I think the first reaction is to yell. Yell like you've never yelled before. Maybe spank. Send the kids to their room. The "usual". But this mom doesn't. Here's what I see: 1) Children who are having the best time ever. Do you see the way they are exploring? The way they are … [Read more...]
Distraction, Redirection, and Responsiveness
There seems to be a fair bit of confusion over the different methods people use to approach an upset child or baby: Do you distract? Redirect? Respond? Frankly it’s not too surprising as often the terms used are used interchangeably and incorrectly. Here I want to lay out some critical distinctions between what it means to distract, redirect, or respond to a child, what it … [Read more...]
Guest Post: What Is Discipline?
By Justin Coulson When people talk about ‘disciplining a child’, they usually mean ‘punishing’ a child. The punishment is supposed to help children learn, but research tells us punishment is an ineffective teacher. Good discipline (that actually works!) is really about teaching our children how to act in good ways. It’s about socialising them, and helping them to recognise … [Read more...]
