Shame, shame, shame

By Tracy G. Cassels

This will be short.

The last few days have been a whirlwind of emotions for many people. If you haven’t heard, Julie from The Progressive Parent found her son (in his 15^th month) in bed unresponsive on Friday night. They went to the ER where doctors tried to revive him, but to no avail. Her beautiful, wonderful little boy was gone.

I have cried buckets thinking of this wonderful family losing their precious little boy. I had hoped that people would provide love and support to a mother and father and siblings who are enduring a loss that no one deserves to endure. And the vast majority of people have provided an outpouring of love and care that will make this time just an iota easier to cope with.

But not everyone.

Until they were banned, people suggested that Julie’s actions of co-sleeping killed her child on her page. On a place where she should be able to go and feel supported and loved. Others questioned if she vaccinated and implied that if she did, perhaps that killed her child. (All totally false, for the record, if you knew the facts.)

Let me say this – if your belief in your cause makes you think you can attack a mother who is grieving, you have lost your way. I don’t care what your cause is. If someone said this to a mother who used formula it would be as disgusting or if a parent didn’t vaccinate. I don’t care. NOTHING gives you the right to attack a grieving parent.

NOTHING.

I don’t care if you say that you weren’t attacking but discussing. Discuss elsewhere. Go to your friends and family and talk about it. Go to other pages and ask questions if you have them. Going to the page of a woman who held her child for the last time days earlier, a woman whose breasts are engorged because there is no child to feed from them, a woman who donated her child’s heart valves so that two other children may live, is sick. And you should be ashamed.

In a community where we speak of no judgment, I will judge. And harshly. You have no place here. You are not welcome. Leave.

And let a mother and family who have hearts that have shattered grieve in peace and in love from those who have a heart.

A Facebook In Memory Page: https://www.facebook.com/InMemoryOfPatPat
A Fundrazr Site to Help Patrick’s Family: https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/4R28c

Co-Sleeping: Making Travel Easier

Guest Post - Turning a Naysayer into “Yes! I’ll support your birth choices.”

Review: Gentle Goodnight

About Author

Tracy

(17) Readers Comments

Gioia Mama Artist
February 17, 2013 at 3:48 pm

I did saw this about this little boy and I couldn’t escape to think about it since.
There is nothing worse, nothing. It’s something that every parent fears and I’m sure is not really able to imagine.
I’m so sad for them and I just couldn’t agree more with you.

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GOMI
February 18, 2013 at 6:21 am

Instagramming pictures of dead babies is appalling.

Tweeting pictures of dead babies to celebrities/magazines is disgusting.

Tossing out a tin cup to beg for money minutes after your son died is a shameful lack of priorities.

This whole scenario, regardless of parenting practice beliefs, is absolutely inappropriate.

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- Tracy
  February 18, 2013 at 9:57 am
  
  Judging parents for grieving in a way they do is appalling. Not knowing the circumstances behind any overshare and yet slamming parents who lost a 14-month-old boy is disgusting. As for money? I can only imagine you know that you don’t have friends that would jump in at a moment’s notice to help you out – raise money if they know that’s what your family needs – or that if something happened, you wouldn’t have touched enough lives that people jumped out and wanted to support you. When I see people angry or disgusted by a family receiving help, and angry enough to spew venom at them and just every move, all I can think of is that they are jealous because they haven’t created the bonds or have the relationships that offer support at such a difficult time. So I’m sorry you don’t have that or that because you focus on the worst of people online that if something happens to you, most people will think you deserved it.
  
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Kristy
February 27, 2013 at 10:38 pm

I totally agree with you. But I think some of the thoughts of people wondering if certain things caused this baby’s death is because death is hard for anyone to try to understand and especially when it is someone so young and is so unexpected. I think people just look for an explanation and don’t realize they’re putting blame on the parent and their actions. Any childs death is just heart breaking.

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- Tracy
  February 27, 2013 at 11:05 pm
  
  I do think in some cases this was it. Sadly that’s not what I was referring to There were some unbelievably cruel and pointed comments made and THAT prompted this piece. I do understand concern, fear, and curiosity though as being natural when something like this occurs.
  
  Reply