The premise behind extinction sleep training is that infants (and toddlers) are being taught to "self-soothe"; however, this ignores key points of what self-soothing abilities can be expected from children and how distressed they are at the time of separation. Instead of focusing on these extinction methods, gentler methods that respect where the child is developmentally should be considered.
Too often people think the key to learning self-soothing is to be left to experience distress, but science actually tells us it's the opposite: we need co-regulation.
Often we can forget what self-soothing looks like, instead thinking it only reflects calming behaviours. However, we all respond to anxiety differently and not all self-soothing is actually beneficial.
With all the statements being made by so many about sleep training, most to get parents to get on board, parents should know that most of these statements are myths, not backed by science.
Something happens. Your child starts to cry. You expect them to run to your arms as they have all along, but this time something is different. This time they run away from you.
How many times do you hear parents frustrated that their young child or toddler doesn't listen? What can you do and what can you expect from toddlers when it comes to "listening"?
The argument is that if you have a warmer relationship at other times, the failure to be responsiveness or to even be hurtful is not a problem. The problem is that science doesn't back that up at all...
We do a lot to try and ensure our children are empathic. And yet, there is one thing I see happen with alarming regularity in our young toddlers that sabotages so much of what we are aiming for.
Independence. In many Westernized societies it is the end goal of our parenting efforts. We want our children to be independent. But what does that mean?
