Similac has won the Internet and marketing in general with a new ad that has most moms crying out “Yes!”
Here it is for context (potential trigger warning for implied possible harm to child):
I’ll be honest, I didn’t like it. At all. I appreciate what they’ve done, but I didn’t like it. At first I chose to ignore it. After all, I didn’t like it, but many others did and that’s good they have an ad they can get behind. But after a lot of requests on FB for my thoughts on it, I decided to throw my hat in the ring and posted the following:
The Similac Ad (because I have had more messages about it than almost anything ever)
I hated the new Similac ad that tries to tell us all we are all parents first and to cut the crap of judging one another. Apparently if you admit to this people tend to think you either a) have a stick up your ass or b) are one of the “meanies” the video is supposedly trying to speak out against. For me, it’s neither.
Why did I hate it? Because at its core, it’s a very slick way to advertise for formula. Go back and watch this ad and see which one group doesn’t actually insult anyone else. Which group is simply the brunt of attacks? Whereas which groups are the meanest?
If you couldn’t guess, the formula feeders don’t actually insult anyone (outside of one remark, not about breastfeeding, but in response to an attack on them). They are simply the punching bag for the breastfeeders who are totally antagonistic. Just as the babywearers are also some of the ruder ones. (Anyone see an anti-AP stance going here too?) Dads are stereotypically funny and into boobs (because we shouldn’t take them seriously should we, but they are likable presumably because they’re using formula – after all, what about the kind dads who are just having fun, what will they feed their babies?).
At the end of the day, this ad is about making sure that if you are someone who speaks up for breastfeeding, you are the “meanie”. It is about making sure formula is seen as an absolute equal to breastfeeding – and not just in terms of what’s best for a given woman, but an absolutely equal choice. After this, when people hear anyone speak about the risks associated with formula on the personal or even societal level, they will think of this and assume the person is a judgmental ass. It’s already happened, but Similac has now managed to capitalize on it.
It’s an ad of stereotypes, media-fuled Mommy Wars, and carefully played marketing on behalf of a formula company. From that point of view, it’s brilliant. Unfortunately, from the point of view of it’s broader impact, it’s depressing.
And for anyone that tries to claim that people are smarter than the ads and won’t fall prey to that type of built-in message, I ask you to think about why advertising is a multi-billion dollar industry. It’s not because we see through it. It’s because we don’t.
This was met at first by a lot of people finally feeling free to voice their own dislike of the video (for whatever reason, some were contrary to my own) which was nice. Some people disagreed with my take and that was totally cool – I don’t look for universal agreement on anything. Some were mixed, but overall the discussion was productive.
Then I went to bed. And woke up in a totally different world.
I was met by an onslaught of people suggesting that my post had “proved the point of the video”, that I was one of the mean people who was judgmental and mean towards formula feeding moms. Many mothers asked what were they supposed to do except use formula when breastfeeding didn’t work out? To say I was flabbergasted is an understatement. What did this have to do with an ad? I had to read the comments again and accept that I was actually awake and this was actually happening.
How to respond?
After the initial shock that so many people could read something so personal into something about an ad by a company, I realized that my prediction of what would happen was shown to be true, just earlier than I had anticipated. The ad has now perpetuated the mommy wars and helped some moms see judgment everywhere.
This is what I speak of when I talk of the media mommy wars. I wrote something about an ad, by a company (in a sector that is known to subtly try to dissuade women from breastfeeding – even women that want to breastfeed – to make a profit). I take issue with said ad because it ever so subtly suggests that everything is “equal” when in fact it’s not. Even on this one thread, most women who wrote about using formula didn’t write about wanting to formula feed from the beginning, but rather facing numerous problems during their breastfeeding experience and eventually “failing” at breastfeeding. Yet if formula is an “equal” choice, equally good for baby, mom, and society, we don’t fight for the resources for women to meet their goals.
It also subtly portrays certain groups as being the judgmental and mean ones while others may be catty, but only in response to the meanies. Yes, that opening of “breast police” by the formula feeders is hardly an insult – in the current online discourse it’s common to hear referenece to the “breastfeeding nazis” or “breastfeeding police” (including in campaigns that are supposed to end judgment like the “I Support You” one) without it being accepted or thought of as judgmental or mean. Rather the implication is that these groups deserve it, a fact perpetuated in the ad as the breastfeeders are quite nasty to those who are using formula. Next time a mom online sees any reference to the “breast police”, the seed has been planted that this person (or page or group) must be mean, why else would others refer to them that way? Yet, it’s thrown about to those who are not judgmental but simply wanting to keep the discourse on breastfeeding alive given the problems so many women face in breastfeeding when they want to.
What was more baffling though was that people decided that not liking an ad equals not liking people that use the product. I hate all forms of smoking advertising (luckily they are far less than before), but my sister smokes. Does this mean I hate her? Of course not. However, part of the reason I hate the ad is because I’ve heard so many stories from women who didn’t meet their breastfeeding goal and I see how this is one little piece into the puzzle of why this fact is way too common. We are normalizing the use of formula to such a degree that we all struggle to see that more support is needed for women to breastfeed successfully (this was also borne out in the comments as many women truly seemed to believe that if you want to breastfeed, “just do it”, as if it were that simple).
I have formula feeding family (by choice and by medical condition and by horrible misleading statements by doctors), I have formula feeding friends (again, by choice and by “failure” to breastfeed – their term, not mine and I hate it because it’s not their failure, it’s that of a society that sets things up against breastfeeding). I love them all and think they are wonderful parents. I still have serious issues with formula companies. (Not only from this ad, but more importantly the death toll on their hands from their marketing practices in developing nations which trades infant lives for a profit.) The two things can completely co-exist.
This ad has perpetuated the mommy wars more than any comment by me could. It has primed women (and men?) to think of parenting, discourse on parenting (including infant feeding, birth, etc.) in “us versus them” mentality. Not only is that mentality out in full force when it comes to how we think or talk about this specific ad (after all, it’s my not liking it that has led to all sorts of negative comments), but also in how any discussion about feeding (or babywearing or birth or work) is now automatically framed in the mommy wars context, even when the comment or discourse doesn’t belong there. This is the kind of attitude that shuts down discussions and in turn, shuts down any hope of change in our society. It’s the way to say, “the status quo is working and don’t rock the boat” when we know that’s not the case because approximately 60% of women who DON’T want to supplement with formula end up doing so.
Whatever you personally felt about this ad, please just be willing to accept that someone else didn’t like it. Someone else has a view of marketing that is perhaps more jaded than yours (and perhaps more realistic?), but that it says nothing about you personally. Not every comment is a dig at your choices. So stop blaming me for how you feel, stop suggesting I don’t like you or I judge you or I hate you. Sometimes it can really be a comment about an ad that has gone viral and the predatory nature of the company behind the ad. Even if you have to use that company or chose to use that company or even loved the ad yourself.
Here is another take that I STRONGLY believe you should read. Especially if you believe that this ad is all warm and fuzzy or that this is somehow about you:
http://joeyandrox.blogspot.ca/2015/02/throws-her-hat-in-ring.html?m=1
Works for me! So sorry to hear that you’re catching such flack… 🙁
I agree, I’m sorry that you have received such a negative response. Although I do disagree on your thinking it was one-sided to sell formula for this one reason: they could have been selling SHOES and the script would have been written the same way BECAUSE it is easier for the instigator to be the one who is doing “what is best” and slamming the “slackers” who aren’t. Whether it is being a full-time mommy vs. working mom, breast-feeding vs. nursing, pacifier vs. cuddler it does not matter… the instigator is going to be the one who is doing “what is best.” As an author and adoptive parent, I’m going to be honest, I loved this ad. Not because I saw it bashing the nursing moms ( although I have often been self-righteously asked by nursing mothers why I don’t nurse when they have no idea I was never given that option), but because it was so double-sided. I loved that both sides-argued back in forth (like the working moms who WON the argument against full-time mommies, even though full-time mommies started it). It is easier to write it, and frankly more humorous ( “breast police”? c’mon, this is hilarious and perfect for the superbowl commercial) if nursing moms start the fight. Honestly, how were formula mom’s supposed to start it: ” HEY! You there, you’re doing the most natural and intimate form of feeding for your infant and your giving your baby tons of positive health benefits, but but but I’ve got formula!” Ooo stinger… It makes no sense. Ultimately, I thought the ad did exactly what it was supposed to do. It cleared the air. It made formula moms not feel so self-conscious about buying formula (purpose of the commercial) while poking fun at EVERYONES beliefs. Meanwhile, if you are really looking for a group that doesn’t get critiqued, it’s the mom’s who wrap the babies and the “crunchy granola moms” who never step into the fight and barely have an insult hurled at them. I don’t see a conspiracy against parenting practices, I see a call for everyone to put down their “dukes,” pick up their babies and get along. Formula or not.
Yesss! Beautifully stated and THANK YOU for your post.
Thank you.
To R. What an intelligent well thought out response.- the last sentence says it all. I don”t know what has happened in the last 5-10 years but it seems certain groups are hell-bent on pushing their views on everyone else. This country used to be a lot more tolerant – people were allowed to have different points of view and it was ok. Other people were entitled to their beliefs/opinions as long as it doesn’t hurt me. Now suddenly we think everyone must think like us and it they don’t they are wrong or evil or whatever.
Hi. What shocked me the most about this ad was how the breastapo was so well covered. It took me some time after having started to breastfeed to realise how much breastfeeding was being rejected by society because of the lack of exposure to it. I started by hiding my breasts the best I could, but when my baby started not liking the cover on her head, I was on her side. So I started pulling my breast out of my t-shirt to breastfeed (no layers as it was too hot). I don’t breastfeed with discretion because it really hurts the breastfeeding cause. I can actually say that the point about breastfeeding in public is 1- to feed your baby freely without worrying about anything. 2- educate the public through normalising by exposure. So the longer we breastfeed and the more breast we expose, the better! Through that logic alone, one can clearly see that the ad doesn’t advert breastfeeding at all, or we wouldn’t see those covers. It’s a formula ad that does its job perfectly, promoting formula and trying to put it at the same level of breastfeeding.
I had four children and breastfed all of them a combined total of 6 years during the 1980s. Yet, when I was in public or in a restaurant, etc. no one knew I was breastfeeding. I was able to nourish my baby and continue to interact with whomever I was with without drawing attention to myself. It’s called being discreet. We don’t have to expose ourselves in order to garner acceptance of breastfeeding. Everyone agrees that breastfeeding is best for human infants. Some parents choose not to breastfeed; some choose to pump and use a bottle; some choose to use formula. Regardless of the choice – it’s no one else’s business. Don’t rub people’s noses in it. Just do it.
I agree. I formula fed my first two and nursed my third and fourth. They have all grown up to be healthy and intelligent people. Actually, one of the breast fed kids has always had the most problems with allergies of the four. Like you, I sometimes nursed in public, but was very discreet and no one could tell. That was back in the 1970’s and ’80’s. Personally, I liked the ad and didn’t even notice the difference in attitudes of the different groups. The message I got was that we all love our children and have to make our own decisions based on our own circumstances. And I know that my daughter and one of my daughters-in-law loved it. “Judge not, lest ye also be judged.” I don’t know another’s situation, and frankly, it’s none of my business. One of my son’s kind of had to bottle feed since his wife left when the baby was 2 months old. When she was little he was constantly being judged: “Oh, it must be Daddy’s week-end,” or “Is it Daddy’s turn to babysit?” And two of my other kids have adopted their children, so again, formula is pretty much a must. Well, except for the ones who were 2 1/2 when they joined the family. Sorry, I tend to ramble!
Like you, I didn’t notice any difference in who was being mean first or most. And, I didn’t even realize that it was an ad until I read the heated blogs about it – I honestly thought it was one of those silly, fun mock youtube videos that someone did for fun.
Also, your family’s situations are great examples of why people should back off with the comments.
I had so many problems/complications with my pregnancies, that I couldn’t breastfeed. Especially with the last one when I had congestive heart failure. You are so right, no one should judge. There are things going on that no one else knows about.
As an IBCL I’ve written several blog posts about this very issue. I am certain that if someone read them they would think I am BAD because of the comments I’ve made about formula. But after working with moms and babies for my entire career, both as an RN and later primarily as an IBCLC, I know that nothing about breastfeeding and formula feeding is that simple. Some moms are pressured in to giving formula by doctors and nurses. The high rate of c-section births contributes to the delayed initiation of breastfeeding, A mom who’s had blood loss that led to having a blood transfusion may have had pituitary gland die, this is Sheehan’s Syndrome, and it can lead to breastfeeding difficulties or the inability to breastfeed. What I chose to take away from the Similac commercial was that we should support one another and not judge.
http://joeyandrox.blogspot.ca/2015/02/throws-her-hat-in-ring.html?m=1
As someone who works with families, I’d be curious to your views on this take of the ad.
Actually, it is possible to breastfeed adoptive children. You can actually induce lactation! The human body is an amazing thing! But it takes work and if you needed pro help to do it it could probably get expensive. I agree though, to each their own, although, I will never understand why someone would CHOOSE not to breastfeed (obviously some women can’t for med reasons or whatever) it is none of my business or anyone else’s.
You say you don’t understand why someone would choose not to breastfeed and then say it’s none of your business in the same breath. Contradicting yourself much? It is none of your business. Period.
You just illustrated exactly why some parents call BF moms the “breastfeeding nazis.” You comment is completely judgmental, particularly the suggestion that BF is possible for everyone, no matter the circumstances (even non-moms can lactate!), when that is simply not accurate. The underlying commentary is that if you can’t lactate for your adopted baby (let alone the one you just carried), you just aren’t trying hard enough. Whatever. I couldn’t produce milk for the 4 children that I gave birth to, despite extensive professional help, medications and every herbal BF help available. I certainly couldn’t BF an adopted child. SOME woman MAY be able to produce milk for an adopted child, but it’s certainly not the majority of woman and, even where “possible,” it takes enormous work. Not every woman is capable of producing milk like a dairy cow.
Produce milk like a dairy cow?? Now who is being ugly to other mothers? Why can’t people voice opinions without resorting to insults and derogatory name calling and use of demeaning phrases like this, comparing human to cows? You add fuel to the fire by using those kind of terms.
I think you missed the point, she wasn’t comparing women to cows, she was saying women AREN’T dairy cows, they can’t ALL just produce milk whenever. That doesn’t mean she’s saying women that can are like dairy cows. But saying all women can breastfeed whether they give birth or not IS treating them like dairy cows, who can produce milk whenever they need to. Calm down.
Amen!!!
Thank you. I don’t understand why everyone has to take a stand on everything. Why it’s a “war”. When I had my second child I tried breastfeeding it didn’t work out for my baby so we did formula . The nurses at the hospital were so against it. I was treated like less of a mother because I “chose” formula. That is what worked for my family. I don’t understand why it’s has to be breastfeeding moms, formula moms, working moms, stay home moms, crunchy moms, ect. Arn’t we all just parents doing the best we can? I did like the video because I guess I didn’t look to far into it I took it light hearted. I didn’t see it as an ad for simulac, to tell the truth I didn’t know it was an ad. I saw that there were many different ways of parenting going on everyone THINKS their way is the “right” way to do things, but that at the end of the day, it’s about loving kids. I have made mistakes as a parent. We don’t eat organic, I didn’t breastfeed, I didn’t change my kids clothes every time they got dirty, but I love them . I tell them that many times every day. I hug them, I kiss them, THAT ARE HAPPY AND HEATHLY. ISN’T THAT WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT? To each their own. Hold one another up, not judge and break each other down.
Renita Rogers – Exactly p everything has to be a war these day. What happened to the days when we could do what is best for us without being labeled and having other people stick their noses into it. You want to breast feed great! Don’t say everyone else has to do it and judge people who don’t. I don’t see formula Moms or working moms being as judgmental as the other groups. Sometimes it seems like they might feel like they must breast feed or stay at home to be a good Mom, so they are resentful of Moms who don’t do the same.
Yes, and yes.
Formula companies make formula to make a profit. As a side note, some kids really actually need it., but that number is much smaller than they would have you believe. We would not have survived as a species if women had so much trouble breastfeeding their children.
Breasts make breastmilk to feed babies. (most)
Everything else is just background bs to me.
http://www.mammassafetycorner.com
And the fact that some need it OR choose it has nothing to do with the issue with the ad. They are totally separate things. 🙂
Totally agree!
Usually I’m the one quietly biting my lip at the audacity of some moms who just assume they have the end answer to what’s best for my child.
I just simply laughed at the commercial then teared up because what I took from it wasn’t “buy my formula,” but we’re all doing what we think is best for our own children and sometimes, we can either take that too far and critique others who don’t agree with us (afterall, why would we do anything to harm our children?! implied emphasis) or we have to seek the ‘likemindedness of others’ who are doing the same to stand our ground.
Who cares if people don’t like the ad? Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Sheesh. bottom line, as parents, when we see a child in life-threatening danger, our knee-jerk response is protect. there’s enough people in the news tormenting children already, to at least not just appreciate that we each would try to save a child’s life if we saw they were in danger.
And just to add further, our ego-centric selves are the ones that feel we have to defend and attack our choices.
Again, I just looked at it, laughed and was like, yep, so much drama over people’s parenting/motherhood practices, and then said yep, I would protect any child I saw in danger…then moved on… after all, I’m a work-from home, non-vaxed, 24-hour laboring but C-section having, breast-feeding (who stopped producing at 8 months), sling wearing, stroller pushing, binky-toting mom who stills gives pureed food, have roller coaster weight issues, drinks caffeine/alcohol/loves and is homeschooling who just happened to be on facebook marketing my own business and got distracted and wasted 30 minutes of my time to read the comments while my daughter took a two-hour nap.
Love your response! I’m a grandma of 10 with another on the way now, but felt the same way you did. I nursed 2 of mine and bottle fed the other 2. I also stayed at home. We didn’t home-school because my kids were born in the ’70’s and ’80’s, but did home-school one of my granddaughters for one year. None of us should judge another. We don’t know their situation, and really, it’s none of our business. 🙂
I have to say, the ad made me cry. It is true that at the end of the day, we all just want what’s best for our babies.
That being said, as a mother of a NICU baby who was on a respirator and didn’t nurse for the first 10 days of her life, I had a lot of trouble breastfeeding. Latch issues, bleeding nipples, mastisis, clogged ducts, under production, over production, you name it. If it weren’t for my three amazing midwives, incredible doula, rock star lactation consultant, and overly supportive husband, I wouldn’t be on my 8th month of EBF.
No one in my family has ever breastfed and both of my mothers were not supportive whatsoever. Luckily, I planned to have a very supportive team of people who could help me when I needed it.
I’ll never forget my midwife squeezing my nipple the first time I tried to feed my DD, saying, “You never a dry breast.” That day in the NICU I seriously could have given up. 36 hours into pumping and not a drop of colostrum coming out, I could have given up. But I did what I needed to do to continue trying. Those first months I often felt like a failure. But in the end, I stuck with it and I succeeded and my baby and I are better off for it. I can’t imagine not having this bond with her. Not in a million years. She holds my hand every time she eats the same way she did the very first time she latched on. What a special memory I will have forever.
Every woman can breastfeed. It’s what we were made to do. We just need the support, knowledge and encouragement from family, friends, and medical professionals for when the going gets rough.
I hope I live to see the day when BF is normalized and women don’t have to give up on their toughest day because they have a support system. Everyone needs someone they can trust to grab their boob and put it in their baby’s mouth.
That’s just my two cents.
🙂
Everyone can walk; it’s what were made to do. Everyone can talk; it’s what we were made to do. Everyone can see; it’s what we were made to do. Everyone can hear; it’s what we were made to do. Everyone can conceive a baby; it’s what we were made to do. Everyone can carry a baby to term; it’s what we were made to do.
Good to know.
You’re not helping. Don’t confuse carelessness for malice. A big part of the reason I am so prickly in online interaction is I can’t open my mouth (metaphorically speaking–I type, not Skype) without SOMEONE deciding that I’m talking about them and I hate them. (Ironically there are times I AM talking about a specific person and they just ignore me. But most of the time I speak generally about issues.) If y’all can’t learn to engage someone that you see being benignly thoughtless in a way that honors their humanity, do the rest of us a favor and go back to watching TV.
How do you do that, if you want to?
Ask them what they meant.
Point out POLITELY that there are holes in their argument or declaration.
Don’t even address them directly, but reply to their comment (or whatever) and speak of your own experience and how it differs from what they just claimed.
The attacks and snark are almost never necessary.
Now if they pointedly attack you, that’s a different matter. But don’t be dishonest and claim malice where there obviously is none.
I did reply directly. Where did I claim malice?
It was the sarcasm in your reply because she was so “obviously” being literal. I’m sure that she knows that there are cases where women physically cannot breastfeed. Just as you were pointing out that because we’re all born with ears doesn’t mean everyone can hear. It was no attack and didn’t need to pointed out with sarcasm. Her point was support.
Sorry but she is saying exactly that – read it again. “Every woman can breastfeed. It’s what we were made to do. We just need the support, knowledge and encouragement from family, friends, and medical professionals for when the going gets rough. “
Laura, I cried too! What a special story you have. Thank you for sharing.
Glad you were able to EBF after all of that. My son was given formula for the first time when he was 3 days old because I was in the ICU fighting for my life due to a rare pregnancy complication called peripartum cardiomyopathy, I was on a ventilator for 3 days, in the ICU for 5, and the hospital for a week following the actual event. Although my hospital is VERY pro-breastfeeding and the ICU nurses expressed me even when I was unconscious, being separated from my newborn (while having about 20 lbs of fluid taken off my body from heavy diuresis) had an irreversible impact on my ability to breastfeed. I nursed, I pumped, I ate oatmeal, I took fistfuls of fenugreek, I saw my excellent lactation consultant about a dozen times… yet despite all of that, my body just never produced enough to kick the formula entirely. After 7 months of breastfeeding with supplementation, the last 3 being a huge fight to keep up ANY kind of supply, I finally threw in the towel a full year earlier than I wanted to.
But you know what? Formula was *invented* for cases like mine. If I’d lived in another time, or even had been at home or a less well-equipped hospital, my son would be motherless right now, and in lieu of a wet nurse, formula would have been what kept him alive. Yes, women’s bodies were made to breastfeed. And yes, breastmilk is best… it’s why I went into motherhood ready and willing to nurse until age 2 or later! But pregnancy and childbirth can be dangerous and can cause significant health problems for moms and babies both, and formula was created to help babies thrive who otherwise might not. My son is a healthy, happy toddler now with a healthy, recovered mother. Modern medical science deserves the credit for that, as does having a good second option for ensuring that my little one, in the end, got the nourishment he needed.
I think you are absolutely amazing in that you kept up for 7 months. You are right in saying that yours is one of the cases formula was made for, and for that it is wonderful that we have it. It should really be classified as for medicinal use, if you think about it, as many supplemental invalid foods are regarded. We wouldn’t eat them over a freshly prepared meal any day but if we cannot take in or digest anything else we would certainly appreciate it.
This would not generate enough revenue for the CEO of a formula company however, hence ad’s like this one.
Amen. I wasn’t on a ventilator, but I was right there with you eating oatmeal, cajoling the girls to produce just one…more…ounce, and doing everything everyone told me to try and establish good supply. Formula was invented so my baby didn’t suffer from failure to thrive, and I’m okay with that.
After years of trying to conceive, many different attempts, IVF finally worked for us. I have PCOS making my hormones wonky, and that hampered our ability to make a baby on our own. My milk never came in really well, despite all kinds of help, prescriptions, foods, drinks etc. At 3 month post pardum I could fell my cysts coming back, and milk slowly going away.by 5 1/2 months we decided to go full to formula. Despite pumping regularly, trying to nurse, frustration and tears, 1 or 2 oz total a day wasn’t going to hack it for a growing baby.
MOST women can nurse with enough determination. To say ALL can is very frustrating and hurtful to those who truly cannot. To say it is what we were made to do also can be very hurtful. We often feel let down by our bodies already. Those who go through infertility have higher odds not to be able to breast feed. Also please remember our sisters in parenting who have had breast cancer and cannot breast feed.
Supporting breastfeeding, education, and pep talks are great for many. But please be mindful of those who medically cannot.
Just the fact that some women are -indeed- physically not able to produce any milk is not a justification for formula adds and especially not for this kind of very sneaky and thus dangerous kind of ads. Not is bottle fed formula the only solution for women who are unable to lactate. they can feed-at-breast with either human donor ilk or formula if they choose so. Still for neither option is any kind of marketing needed. And the least of all needed is actualising the media hyped mommy wars.
I applaud evolutionary parenting for both of her brilliant posts.
There was nothing dangerous about this video and having our kids drink formula is not a bad thing for those of us that couldn’t breastfeed. There was no donation of breast milk when I had my girls and some people just do not live where this is a viable solution. You ma’am are judging when what this video really shows is accepting each other because we are parents first. That’s all. It was a nice video.
Yes. Technically what I wrote was a generalizion and I’m sorry to hurt anyone’s feelings. That was not my intent.
I know some women simply can not breastfeed due to medical issues or low supply, etc. I should have specified that.
That being said, you did nurse for the first 5 1/2 months! Given all you went through, that’s freaking amazing!!! You rock!!! And yes, thank goodness there was formula to help you supplement. I never said formula or modern medicine was bad. Modern medicine and liquid proteins and sugars and vitamins through IV saved my daughter’s life.
My point is not that all women can breastfeed as long as they originally plan.
My point is that our bodies make milk postpartum.
With a lot of support and encouragement, many of can succeed in reaching our goals to breastfeed for however long we want. Be it two weeks, two months, or two years.
If BF were more accepted and normalized, each of us would have more people to turn to for help.
I’m sorry, but not every lactation consultant is equal. I saw two from the hospital who couldn’t help me lactate at all. They sucked.
The private one I hired specialized in moms of NICU babies and she told me to pump for 20 minutes every two hours and to take double the dose of the supplements she told me to buy, three times a day. In addition to that, I wrote out my birth story to let go of the trauma and help facilitate a let down. I looked at pictures of my baby while I pumped and I pumped next to her bedside so I could look at her. I brought a blanket from her bed home with me so I could smell her while I pumped. I ate oatmeal in the am, drank mother’s milk tea all day, and beer at night. I
I pumped dry for three days. I thought I couldn’t make milk. It’s a shitty feeling that no one should ever go through. I tell everyone who ever has issues BF the tips given to me. We shouldn’t even have to pay $350 for a special lactation consultant to help us figure all this out. This info should be available to all women so they can try everything and see what works for them.
I want women to feel confident enough to say proudly, “I nursed my baby for 5 1/2 months.” and that be that. I have never judged anyone for their parenting style. I don’t look down on anyone for nursing their five year old, and I don’t think less of anyone who could only nurse for five days.
I’m sorry it came off that way.
Laura – you still are saying exactly what you said before. Not everyone has the access or money and might actually have other children to care for!
NO – not EVERY woman CAN breastfeed. It’s ignorant, uneducated minds like yours that makes life more difficult than it has to be for some of us. Stop preaching and judging everyone else; worry about yourself instead..
And it’s meanie moms like yours who are looking to take offense that further this inane bullcrap. Slow your roll. Most mom would give up after pumping dry for 3+ days., She did a lot more than most women I know to start her milk flowing, even among the “I can’t breastfeed” crowd (that I know personally). So chill. Be *nice*. You called her uneducated and then called her out for being judgmental. Pot/Kettle.
I wasn’t preaching or judging. Did you read my post at all? I acknowledged that I understand not all people can breastfeed as long as they may have initially planned. I apologized for not clarifying that in my earlier comment. I also said I’m not out to judge any one for their parenting styles.
Wow, you really don’t understand nor want to understand others at all.
I have 6 children and all have breastfeed differently. 2 of my children didnt make it pass 8 weeks.As long as these children are not being harmed, who cares what the parents are feeding them!
Your statement that “everyone can breastfed” is flat out wrong. This is why formula moms are so defensive. I am unable to breastfeed due to a medical condition. It was women like you who were “supportive” who made me feel like less than the first few months of my child’s life. I finally realized that women like you are just insensitive and ignorant. Your experience is not the same as everyone else’s. Please do some research and open your mind and heart to other’s experiences. It will help you not only with this subject, but with being a caring human being in general.
Unfortunately not every woman’s body is made to breast feed. It wasn’t until after having an emergency C-section (after 26 hours of labor and 8 straight hours of pushing, just to find out my pelvic bone was fused shut from a birth defect) that we learned I was one of the few who could not breast feed no matter what. I did not know that a possible side effect of being an epileptic and having a C-section is a complete system shut down of what the body discerns as non-important. My body deemed the gaping hole in my stomach as more important than producing milk. Even with help at the hospital and taking pills to produce, none EVER came in… Yes, for the most part the female body is made to carry a baby, deliver the baby and feed the baby, but in some cases it is not always able.
Laura, not everyone can breast feed all their children. I have 4 kids, 3 adults and 1 teen. When my youngest was born, we didn’t know she was born with brain tumors. What we knew was she seemed to have difficulty latching on to the nipple. We just attributed it to it just being “her”. Each babe takes to the breast just a bit different than the others. When she was 4 months old was when we discovered the tumors. She had a major stroke right after her first surgery. Needless to say, Breastfeeding was not an option. We had to bottle feed her. We even had to modify the nipple openings so that formula would flow easier for her. Thank God she has survived the original tumors and one recurrence of the cancer and has been cancer free for the last eleven years. She is now 15. I would have loved to have to been able to breast fed her! Even with my other 3, I breast fed as long as I could, then had to go to bottle. I caught a lot of flak from perfect strangers who told me I was not a good mother (yes, they used those words) Because of using formula. They just didn’t know my body simply stopped providing for my babies’ needs. I myself don’t hold any anger with them, they meant well. Breast fed, bottle fed, as long as mommy and daddy are taking of the babies they will turn out fine.
I have a brother in a wheelchair. But he was born to walk? It took me 5 long years to conceive through artificial means, but we were born to conceive? I never had enough milk despite doing the exact things you did and had to stop nursing. It just doesn’t work that way for everyone. I’m glad it did for you, But it didn’t for me and many others.
I couldn’t. My milk never came in. Nursing on demand after a full-term twin pregnancy, pumping for 12 minutes after every feed, fenugreek, blessed thistle, hop tea, multiple visits to lactation consultants, Reglan, etc., for 5 long weeks. My pharmacist even tried an off-label drug used in Canada to help try to bring it in. Still no milk. Nothing. I spend weeks after my babies’ birth crying and feeling like a failure because of cruel, hateful women like you who have the arrogance to suggest that “everyone” can breastfeed and that someone how was failing my babies by not doing so. After 5 weeks, my own lactation consultant admitted that we had tried everything, that not everyone can breastfeed, but that she “didn’t want to tell me that earlier because I didn’t want to discourage you.” My babies would have been better off if I had spent the five weeks I spent trying to bring in milk cuddling them instead of being attached to a pump and crying.
Thank you very much for your complete and utter ignorance and combined lack, of compassion about my body’s failure to do what is was “designed” to do. It really helps me feel SOOOO much better to know I just didn’t try hard enough.
Not every woman can nurse, not every baby can drink mommas milk. But every mom deserves a chance to try, and every baby deserves the best food they can have, which is mommas milk. If we came together as community of moms we could provide that for those who can’t. In fact, it already happens in other countries and in the places with milk exchanging moms.
Having the breast feeders all using covers totally blew it for me. My kiddo requires a cover sometimes because he is so easily distracted, but it’s a guarantee that at some point while using a cover he’s going to pull it up and start a game of peek-a-boo with the first person he sees. (Which, conveniently, none of those babies did). Covers, for us, have nothing to do with who is around, but everything to do with what baby needs at the moment. On the same note, just this past week we were at a playground and baby did great without a cover. It’s so varied….so it really struck me as obvious bias to see that having them covered is as close to real-life playground nursing as they were willing to tread.
Also, I have to say how funny it was when the bottle feeders (could’ve been expressed BM in there, too?) hosed down the place when they were coming on the scene. I had to laugh. It reminded me of a pack of wolves marking territory!
I’m pretty sure the covers were used to hide dolls. I think for the majority of the shots the “babies” were all dolls, notice not a crying fussy babe or happy cooing sound at all, (who’d run pall mall down hill with a front carry baby, baby in arms or a sling baby?) until the very end scene when we see the little one in the stroller safe, and then other live babies being cuddled. 😉
It really starts at home, I have 6 kids and all of them have seen plenty of my breasts, my 13 yr old son doesnt even flinch when i whip it out. Just about every one I know and some I dont have seen plenty of my boobs. Extended family seemed uncomfortable at first but exposure does lead to a level of comfort to those around you.
Thank you for your frank and thoughtful insight! This piece resonates with me in ways that ad can’t even begin to touch–thank heavens for clear-thinking advocates who can see the real issues behind the slick marketing.
But please–could you repost the video through http://www.donotlink.com so we do not drive more traffic that company’s way?
I appreciate the concern with the link, but the embed won’t work with donolink (unless I’m missing how to use it)!!!
I’m glad it’s not just me. I saw two pictures from the video, the moms cowering on the bench with babies in carriers, and the frowning breastfeeding moms (supposedly) with hand on hip and babies hidden by “hooter hiders” and I knew right away who was cast as the villain. Seriously? And Similac’s “strong moms” promotion is just supposed to validate motherhood. Right. I refuse to watch the commercial. “mommy wars” are neither cute nor hilarious. We take terrible care of our mothers, in North America, and then we pit them against each other like gladiators. Makes me ill.
SLOW. EFFING. CLAP. thank you.
…..putting aside the breast feeding formula stuff cause i don’t really care, after 4 years of mummy groups and play dates and all that…….. Yea i pretty much find women who are super pro breastfeeding and baby wearing etc…. Are super pushy and bitchy…. So yea….
Unfortunately, this has pretty much been my experience as well. I stopped going to my local mom group because of comments made to me about not EBF.
Then you’re hanging out with the wrong people. Find new friends.
I EBF-ed for the 1st 8 months and then had to switch to formula when I got pregnant and completely dried up during morning sickness. I also babywear quite a bit. And I’ve been OPENLY mocked by women for both. I’ve been asked to nurse somewhere else (and I actually WAS covered?!?!) And Ive been told that simply wearing my baby in a carrier is MEAN because it makes other moms feel bad.
I never even said anything about babywearing or breastfeeding unless I was asked. People just think what they want. And in my case–the formula-feeding moms have been the jerks. That doesn’t mean ALL ff moms are jerks, or that all BF moms are awesome. But it definitely goes both ways. And when my milk dried up and I took a bottle to the next LaLecheLeague meeting, not one woman was rude to me about it.
Funny, I have found that the formula moms are super judgemental and bitchy! They love to tell us breastfeeding moms where and when and how we should breastfeed. I used to be extremely supportive of formula moms, I know there are women who can’t and women who just don’t want to, either way, it’s their children, their business. I have always said to other mom friends they need to do whatever they feel is going to be best for them and their babies. But formula moms have not been very supportive for my choices and have subsequently pushed me to become a part of the breastfeeding mafia!
Like thinking it’s ok to suggest that I should feed my child in a bathroom, it’s just not on.
I have been mocked and told that I was a bad mom for breastfeeding. In my experience, the breastfeeding moms were way more judgemental and hurtful
*not breastfeeding
The biggest thing I have found, when I was breastfeeding was that it would immediately start on a long diatribe from the formula feeding mother why they couldn’t breastfeed. Just the fact that I was breastfeeding made them feel the need to defend themselves. I am not sure why, unless they felt guilty maybe???
There are those in every corner sadly
Yes, yes, yes!! This is advertising trickery. The most effective, the least obvious. Thank you for this thoughtful article.
The problem is not that you don’t like the ad, but that you don’t tell the truth about what’s in it. I hope this is just because you didn’t watch properly, but you claim you went back and analysed it.
You say,
‘the formula feeders don’t actually insult anyone (outside of one remark, not about breastfeeding, but in response to an attack on them)’
Watch it again. The bottle feeders are the VERY FIRST group to speak. Before the breastfeeders say anything, they say, ‘Oh look, the breast police have arrived’ This is after they arrive spraying their bottles in an obvious reference to territorial animals spraying their scent.
This could have been simply confirmation bias but, if so, it would have to be extreme to enable you to actually fail to notice who starts the insults. If not that, though, it seems it can only be deliberate dishonesty. So I hope it’s just the extreme bias.
Either way, your indignation on being called on it needs to be dialled back a number of notches. If you care to retract the false claims and watch again, then you may get a more reasoned reaction from people.
And, either way, it really does put you in the groups being parodied (hence the exaggerated stereotypes) here. People who see only things that they expect, things that confirm their own bias and totally fail to see those that don’t.
Except I actually addressed that IN this article.
You sound like you think she’s a formula-feeder. Uh, NO.
Uh, yes, this exactly.
I resisted watching the video for a long time – not interested – but when I finally did I will freely admit the ending made me cry. The POINT I saw was not advertising a product, was not advertising one way of parenting versus another, was NOT in fact, promoting formula as better or equal or anything, really. The POINT I saw, what I felt, was akin to “Yes, FINALLY someone admits how ridiculous all these stupid ‘mommy wars’ are.” Because, let’s face it, the mommy wars are stupid.
I was actually a little shocked to see the brand Similac at the end of the video. If anything (and don’t you dare read into this whether or not I breastfed, formula fed, or combined fed my child), I think the company was saying, “Knock it off. Quit with all the competition. Insults, judgments, stereotypes – they lead nowhere but unhappiness, contention, and stupid little cliques.” So what if that means you stop knocking mothers who formula feed? The point is STOP KNOCKING OTHER MOTHERS DOWN! Didn’t you notice the “sisterhood of motherhood” words? The ones that came before the brand name?
And which kind of mother did everyone come to rescue? We don’t know. The ad didn’t say that mother breastfed or formula fed. No, the ad said that mother was a mother.
“Why can’t we all just get along?”
Well said.
Yes, finally, “Someone” admits how ridiculous these stupid Mommy Wars are…
But it’s an entity that STARTED them in the first place.
The same category of companies that have let us know how mean, rude, unkind, etc. it is to share accurate information about breastfeeding, because it makes moms feel guilty about “having to” formula-feed.
The same companies that have spent billions on advertising formula not just directly to us, but giving it away to hospitals and pediatricians, sponsored “infant feeding” education for providers, and otherwise spent tons and TONS of money propagating the idea that no one should ever feel bad about formula feeding… breast is best, but hey, formula is just *fine*, don’t worry about it!
And it’s *worth* spending that much money to normalize formula-feeding and cast breastfeeding as selfish, overachieving, “supermom” excessiveness, because they make it all back with huge interest when they sell formula to moms who wanted to breastfeed… but their doctor told them that it was better (not just okay, but BETTER) to give up and stop the stress, rather than giving them good advice and referrals and support.
Exactly!
hey Crazy women with too much time on your hands!
Here’s a suggestion regarding your views about breastfeeding. Mind your own fucking business. If my wife and I use formula for our over-accelling boys, and they turn into career criminals, they are OUR career criminals. YOU don’t have to worry your pretty little breasts about it.
Who says I’m at all worried about your use of formula. I’m not at all. I do, however, take issue with a corporation that subtly tries to undermine women’s breastfeeding when they choose it. No one say anything about criminals or any such thing. Again, the idea that this is against parents is just ridiculous as it’s against an AD.
So, what does “accelling” mean. And why be so defensive? If only people like you understood how very difficult it is, in western society, to breast feed at all, perhaps you would be more pleasant. Formula is spruiked and pushed everywhere but, despite what you might want to believe, breast milk is better for babies and always will be. So why do so many formula feeders get so defensive? After all, the whole world is on your side, it seems. I think it is because, deep down, you know that breast is best. This is not calling out your wife for not breast feeding – she might have a hundred reasons that she can’t or doesn’t want to. God knows that mothers get little enough information and support, and it is all too easy to be defeated and upset by breastfeeding if you don’t have that. But spare a thought for the women who just want to breast feed their kids without eye rolling form the general public, or having to use those stupid damned covers, or having to relocate to the toilet, or any of the hundreds of other problems which are placed on them in our world.
[…] Evolutionary Parenting – That Similac Ad (You Know The One) […]
“No matter what our beliefs, we are parents first.”
I’m thinking you may have missed the point.
Coodos to you for getting on your soap box and stating your opinions, you’ve obviously put a lot of thought and effort into your article and made your opinion about formula and the companies that produce it clear.
As a nurse who works with moms and babies, both healthy and sick enough to need a NICU stay. I have a difference in opinion. But I may have a little more insight into the reasons why people choose to feed their babies a certain way., I do everything in my power to make breast feeding succeed, not because it is the “right” choice, but because it is that mothers choice. The same goes for bottle feeding mothers who need advise on proper feeding techniques, they deserve every bit of my compassion. As strange as it may sound, the two formula companies I have delt with are actually pro breast feeding. No I do not expect you to understand or believe me. But they work to produce a product as close to human milk as possible. Yes they wish to sell their product, but they also provide resources to breast feeding moms. I find it far fetched to think they are out to sabatage those who desire to exclusively breast feed. Rather they wish to provide a close substitute medical professionals can use when necessary, as well as by choice as a primary food source for parents who do not want to or are unable to breast feed.
We are all moms and dads, we love our children and want to provide for them as well as possible. The commercial is not about passing judgement, it’s not all about selling formula either. It is supposed to be about embracing the journey of parenthood on whatever path you have taken. It is supposed to make us stop and think about our prejudices and look at the big picture.
I think you missed the point.
If the company’s aims are so pure, why did they include their branding in the ad at all?
Why make an advertisement and not take credit for it? Of course they want people who buy formula to buy similac.
I’m just saying it isn’t a conspiracy against people’s life choices, but rather something to make people think about their prejudices and promote less hate. Unfortunately they can’t get their point across to everybody.
RNMommy, breastmilk IS the right choice, especially for infants in the NICU. It is VASTLY better than formula, especially for preventing necrotizing enterocolitis. I hope you learn about the life-saving benefits of breastmilk for NICU babies, and get out of the formula companies’ pockets. Here is an article about a new breastmilk bank at the #1 children’s hospital in the country, the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. The bank was created to ensure that NICU babies have access to human breastmilk as a medical intervention.
“Human milk can be the difference between life and death,” says Dr. Diane Spatz, director of lactation at CHOP. She notes that breast milk can be especially beneficial to critically ill newborns. “Human milk is the one thing that we know can navigate a baby safely through the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) stay or the hospital stay.”
http://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/2014/08/06/childrens-hospital-of-philadelphia-to-operate-breast-milk-bank/
I’m not claiming superiority of formula. Yes human milk is best, we usè donor milk frèquently if a mom is having supply issues. All I am saying is we shouldn’t shame other mothers for their beliefs, and preferences for how they chose to nourish their child. It is a CHOICE, both of which are right in their own way. I respect your opinion, you are entitled to it and if I were caring for your child I would do everything in my power to advocate your voice and support it. I EBF my own children, it was the right choice for me, and I enjoyed it. But there is no way I am going to pass judgement to another mother for choosing to feed her child differently.
In my opinion similac’s commercial is not about shaming parents, but about making light of our differences and tendency to tear apart people who see things differently. I think they want us to take a good look at ourselves. This whole conversation is a perfect example of what kind of judgement they are making light of. Why is there so much controversy? Because it was funded by a formula company? Would if be offensive if pampers or medilla had funded it??
My opinion, it’s a cute commercial, made me laugh. I respect those who disagree, you go ladies. But for the love people, lighten up. when you get down to it we all wish for the same result. A happy healthy baby. Different means to an end that is all.
Thank you for your comment. It was exactly how I felt. I personally had every intention on breastfeeding my first child. I tried really hard but it just wasn’t working for various reasons (which I’m sure some women here will probably assume what they were and that’s fine). In the meantime, I developed PPD and I believe that my feelings of failure to breastfeed only made it worse because it was what I had planned to do and what I thought I had to do but I wasn’t able to fulfill those expectations. NO Ad swayed me into formula feeding…the notion of such is ridiculous. It’s not the formula companies that develop these stereotypes or judgements of others…it’s our own thoughts and how we treat each other. I don’t know about you, but I have control of what comes out of my own mouth. I think the education should be given to new parents on both methods and that it should be left up to the PARENTS to decide! I know….it’s a crazy notion but maybe we should just give it a whirl people. Support one another in their decision whatever it may be on the topic. I think breastfeeding is amazing but it didn’t work for me. In the meantime my son is 11yrs old….he is happy, healthy, smart, strong and he doesn’t have any allergies ( and I’m only adding that last part about the allergies because I’ve heard the arguments that formula feeding may lead to allergies in kids). So to all the moms out there, whatever your choice is, be comfortable with it and enjoy your time with your babies. They really do grow up too fast. Take care.
@RNmommy
You are naive. I work in advertising and everything is thought out for how to sell. This is so obviously filled with little cues to get moms to formula feed over breast feeding it isn’t even funny. This is a calculated move to increase that companies bottom line.
It’s not about making light of differences. I’ll just copy and past an earlier comment I made here:
“Man, where do I start on this? Guess I’ll start with the over all message, which is actually pretty mean spirited with its humor despite the last few seconds attempt to make everything seem warm. The commercial drives all of its humor by playing negative stereotypes up. Every woman is judgmental and every guy is clueless.
Speaking of guys, as one I was automatically put off by this as well. Not just because the portrayal of men was so poor (No comment back on the “your wife has the day off?”) but also because the campaign is named in a way the is aggressively exclusionary towards men. “The Sisterhood of Motherhood” Couldn’t just be a sisterhood or about mothers but both, like a giant “No Men Allowed” Sign. Apparently the men where just there to point and laugh at but aren’t meant to be taken seriously as parents.
And back on the women side of this. There are so many crunchy mom stereotypes and yet I didn’t really notice much negativity coming from the formula feeding moms. They fly under the radar while the “crunchy” moms spew bile at everyone in sight.
Then the commercial finished and confirmed my feeling as to why this was made. From a marketing standpoint it’s a great way to sell formula.”
thank you. my sentiments exactly.
FINALLY….. Someone else who ‘gets it’. The undertones are disgraceful. This company doesn’t care about anyone getting along, just making money.
It’s really a shame La Leche League didn’t step up first to make an ad about the pointlessness and utter stupidity of the Mommy Wars. I have a feeling the message would have been better received by some of you.
I think what is happening here is what is happening with discourse in general in America. If ideas aren’t coming from people or groups we already align ourselves with, we completely shut down and become defensive and entrenched in our own righteousness, ensuring the discussion goes nowhere.
Yeah, a formula company made the ad. They have the money do to so. It was clearly a well produced ad with high production values. They had a message – stop beating up on each other. It’s pointless and makes us all look stupid. Personally I thought all of the groups looked equally ridiculous in their indignation, but I really don’t have a horse in this race – you can’t imagine a mom less interested in how you happen to raise your children.
From what I’ve seen on facebook – my friends who are moms are all championing this ad. None of them, and I imagine they all had different experiences with feeding their babies, none of them mentioned in their comments, “Shit! I wish I had bought a bunch of Similac! How stupid I was to breastfeed! Clearly, I will go out and tell the world the wonders of Similac!” Of course you may rebut that my friends are just not aware of the brainwashing they are receiving via their 2 min viewing of this ad. You say it will fester in their minds and make them, a) go out and buy similiac – even if their kids are past breastfeeding age; or b) horror of horrors, more sympathetic towards others…AHHHHHHHH!!!!! NOT THAT!!!
It’s really a shame that with all the fear and misunderstanding that we create for ourselves in this world, that a single message of unity makes anyone feel icky because it came from the opposing side in a war they may secretly hope won’t stop end any time soon.
” I find it far fetched to think they are out to sabatage those who desire to exclusively breast feed. ”
The advertising works!! So well!!
Formula companies support breastfeeding the same way that cigarette companies support noon smoking.
Multi billion dollar ad campaigns exist for a reason.
They work.
You hit the nail on the head. I was offended by the “I had a water birth… With a dolphin” comment too, this was obviously mockery. Thanks for that, I am a strong woman and I had two water births and it was darn hard work, not straight forward labours and I had hard pregnancies and I’m proud of myself, and I think all women should have a right to their choice of birth place/style and be respected no matter what. This whole video’s message was subtly done. At first it jerked my tears, but as soon as I saw the word ‘Similac’ I knew I’d been had.
Amen. So true!!!!!!
I’m a working mom who was mocked. The video shows obvious stereotypes that plenty of moms are guilty of perpetuating.
While I’m not a fan of the work formula companies have done in 3rd world countries to discourage breastfeeding, I’m also darn grateful that I have formula to feed my baby. Formula actually has helped me continue breastfeeding as well. I breastfeed whenever I’m with my baby, and she gets formula at work. I *hated* the pump, produced little, and would have had to quit my job to keep EBF. I love my job, and that wasn’t an option.
I’m happy with my choice. I’m not offended my “category” got lampooned (tho, for that matter, we both baby wear and use a stroller, and we bottle feed AND breastfeed, and we make our own baby food and buy some). People in real life are all shades in there. Like the comments have pointed out, even the stereotyped groups don’t represent any one person perfectly.
My lactation consult stuck with the mantra “feed your baby.” At the end of the day, it’s about working hard to be a good parent. Not shaking your baby? Giving them food, clean diapers, attention, and care? You’re doing fine!
And, again, while I don’t love formula companies and what they’ve done in the third world historically, I also don’t think they’re the devil incarnate. People have grown up to be perfectly healthy, wonderful adults even when exclusively raised on formula. We can’t claim formula is some type of epidemic-causing thing that significantly harms children when used properly. So let people feed their kids.
“And, again, while I don’t love formula companies and what they’ve done in the third world historically, I also don’t think they’re the devil incarnate. People have grown up to be perfectly healthy, wonderful adults even when exclusively raised on formula.”
Ah – but there’s a difference between the product and the people marketing it yes? The product can be a life saver. The people pushing it and sabotaging breastfeeding and killing babies in developing nations? Not so good. But that doesn’t make their product lesser than. It makes them lesser than.
Spot on. Well done for putting it so clearly, but oh, it must get wearing sometimes, when people don’t even read what you’re saying before attacking you. It’s a good ad – but *read* the article, before you comment here. She’s not criticising formula feeders – she’s critiquing the ad. Sure, we all like the idea of mothers supporting each other; that doesn’t mean that a bloody advert has become sacrosanct and above analysis! There will be marketing teams picking that ad apart in committee meetings, giving Similac estimates of its worth to their brands image, projections of its effect on cash flow, asking whether it was worth the investment. We consumers need to look at whether an ad is useful to *us* -often they are, eg they may give us information about what’s available, how a product works best, etc. Step back and look at this ad with your business head on. I’m not anti-business at all, and I think if women use formula, they should have easy access to the best information about different brands to help them make their decision. We want that for our vacuum cleaners so we certainly need it for baby food! But what if a vacuum cleaner ad just left you feeling warm and fuzzy, yet told you nothing about the product? I’d think – ok, they’re just trying to build brand image, but what does it do differently from the competition? And what Similac is doing here is building a brand image. That’s cool, but it’s not like this is a broadcast from the Dalai Lama!
The most clear-headed comment on here 🙂
I liked the basis of the commercial. We’re all parents first but it did bother me that it says, “Welcome to the sisterhood of motherhood” what about those dads???? Did they not just include everyone by saying we’re all parents and then turn around and exclude the dads in the very next statement. Smh
I gave birth to my first child in July and wanted nothing more than to breastfeed my child. She latched wonderfully and we had a great start. She was severely jaundiced and the nurse pushed me to supplement with formula to help flush the jaundice out. I had said I only wanted to breastfeed and she yelled at me for not giving the formula right away. The dr had said to give it after the next feeding and that’s what I intended to do. I yelled right back. Unfortunately after my nb was exposed to a bottle she refused to take my breast. I fought for weeks and got 2 feedings in but was told if she didn’t have it by 3 weeks she never would. I never got the support I needed and looked for. I found out later that she never needed to have a bottle I could have pumped and fed with a sns to flush her system or even used the sns with formula until my supply came in, but no one told me. I asked for a pump and was never given one in the hospital. My nurse pushed the bottle so much I believe she was anti breastfeeding and did nothing to help me in my feeding goals. I was able to pump and feed her for 5 weeks and had built up a reserve that lasted 2 more weeks. I am reluctantly using formula. my daughter is fed and growing which is my goal but every day I wish I had been able to reach my breastfeeding goal. My only consolation is that when I have my next child I will be better informed and I will be my own advocate.
See my story is the opposite. My oldest was not gaining weight, and I wanted to try formula. Even in the hospital I had asked for formula for her because she had lost 8 ounces in two days. The pediatrician wanted her to have some formula to supplement, and I was going to breastfeed her till I returned to work shortly after her being born. One nurse let me give her a bottle of formula. She quickly drank the two ounces and her weight stabilized.
My mind was made up, breatfeeding was not going to work for her. (Three weeks later that was a reality because she had medical issues with digesting breast milk, and I could not afford to change my entire diet to breast feed for two more weeks.)
The nurse on the following shift noted the change in my daughter’s feeding preference. She immediately came into my room and chastised me. My husband found me in tears when he came. I felt so bad about doing what was best for our daughter.
While he was in the room, the nurse that belittled me sent the lactation consultant after me. She was even ruder than the nurse. My husband had enough. I was clearly being chastised for providing our daughter with one bottle of formula in the first 48 hours of her life when the pediatrician felt it was absolutely necessary.
I exclusively breast fed her for three weeks. She would sleep for twenty minutes at a time, and was up for two hours between each sleep cycle. She cried non-stop, and her only hours of comfort were from 2 p.m. to 6 p.m. During that time she would cycle, twenty minutes on each breast, and a diaper change since she would poop twice in one hour.
After 6 p.m., she would cry till midnight. Finally she would sleep for twenty minutes. I was lost. She gained no weight, and my breasts were producing four ounces of breast milk each. (The pediatrician weighed her after drinking from one breast and than again after the next.)
I switched her to formula because I could not take it anymore. I had little to no sleep in those first few weeks. I was slipping into postpartum depression, and I wanted to leave my precious bundle of joy that I had waited so long to meet.
It was formula that settled her tummy a little and slowed her digestion. Instead of non-stop feeding between 2 and 6 p.m. We were able to snuggle. I got to sleep and so did she. Her dad finally got to spend mornings with her, and help care for her since mommy was not the only person who could provide for her.
As if my first experience was not bad enough, I decided to change my mind when our second daughter was born. Given the horrible first experience with breast feeding at the hospital, I decided we were going to formula feed from the start.
On the second morning of our youngest’s life, she was rooting for my breast. I knew what she wanted and I gave it to her. After all, we (as in all parents) give our children what they need to survive. The nurse came in to check on us, and I was busted. She quickly commented on the fact she thought I was formula feeding.
Her reaction was priceless for me. I had a nurse chastise me when my oldest truly needed formula to survive, and shocked a nurse when I changed my mind to breast feed. She did not know my husband I had planned on making our decision final after her birth since our first experience with the hospital was terrible. This time we figured we would tell them formula, and see how we felt afterwards.
My youngest had the same weight concerns as my first. (I have small babies do to a medical issue with my uterus.) She was able to digest the breast milk, but had reflux issues. She could not keep enough milk down to sustain her weight so I supplemented. We continued to supplement and breast feed till she was six months, and rejected my boobs.
My story is unique as is every other moms. We do what we have to do for our children. I heard every person’s opinion on breast feeding and formula feeding. It is as bland of a debate as the cloth diapering and disposables debate. Unfortunately, this was a formula commercial so that is where the debate lies even though Similac pointed out that cloth diapering parents attack disposable diapering parents, baby wearers attack non-baby wearers, and stay-at-home moms and working mothers have their debates as well.
My thought, this is a commercial like any other. If you chose to formula feed because of one commercial and ignore the advice of the benefits of breast feeding, that is your choice. If you chose to breast feed because that is what is natural for you, so-be-it. Formula companies are not the biggest evil in the universe, and while they creatively market their product so do other companies. Apparently, I am missing the funniest times of my life because I do not consume alcoholic beverages. After all, the best parties all involve a specific brand of beer and no one is hurt by consuming alcohol directly or indirectly.
My biggest issue with the ad is exactly what you stated at the end of your comment. I may have missed it, but I only see moms choosing alternative or “crunchy” choices being the bullies here. No one is bragging about their pain free epidural birth or using CIO so everyone can get some sleep. It’s openly reinforcing the feeling that many formula and mainstream moms have deep down, that all of us hippies are a bunch of sanctimommies out to make everyone feel like less than us. It’s promoting the mommy wars by putting down all of us ladies who spend all of our time going around shouting about poisoning babies with formula and openly flashing our boobs to unsuspecting teenage boys under the guise of “feeding a baby”. (sarcasm for anyone out there who thinks I’m serious, most of us crunchy moms actually don’t spend our time that way) It’s anti-hippie, so it does not promote unity and it does make me feel included in this sisterhood.
My experience from both healthcare workers, other mommies, and Public Health have been so far very positive… Always supportive of my choice. I really wanted to breastfeed, but due to a number of reasons (retained placenta; postpartum hemmorhaging a week after my baby was born), my milk never really came. The most I was able to produce was .25 oz despite pumping regularly. Because of this, my child was never content with my breast. We cup fed for awhile but she had so much gas pains per feeding and she spilled more than she drank, so we switched to bottlefeeding. I always thought that things will get better once the placenta would be out (which happened at 5 weeks), but by then my baby wouldn’t latch and my body still wasn’t producing milk. My OBGYN didn’t want to prescribe Domperidone anymore since I was taking too much meds after my ER visit and hospital stay for the hemorrhage. As much as I believe that breastfeeding IS the best option, I am glad that formula was around. I stopped pumping after 6 weeks still with little result, because even though I knew I maybe would have been able to increase my supply eventually, I wanted to start enjoying my baby instead of feeling her anger whenever I couldn’t provide. My husband, OBGYN, my daughter’s doctor, and the public health nurse from the lactation clinic all approved my decision and they were the ones to reassure me, “you’re baby’s healthy.” I was lucky that no one judged me since I was already feeling bad myself. I hope that all women can have as much support as I did regardless of their choice! End of the day, it’s the mother’s choice for whatever reason – health or lifestyle.
Oh my God! Yes! Everyone is loving this ad and from the beginning it left a bad taste in my mouth and I have not took a stance one way or the other publicly but chose to ignore it mostly because I could not pinpoint as well as you have done. I did notice the hostility of the breastfed moms. I think what made me hate it the most was the fact that I knew it would cause the “judgement” issue to come up even more. I have a page on Facebook where I share about unschooling and peaceful parenting and no matter what I do I am judging someone. If I share a meme that supports breastfeeding I will have a comment about how I am judging formula moms if I share about how much I love unschooling I will have those that tell me they have no choice but to send their kids to public school and I am judging them! I hate this whole “don’t judge me attitude” that seems to exist constantly. I knew this add would do nothing but add fuel to the fire. Formula is not equal to breastfeeding. Does that mean I am judging a Mom that uses formula? NO. It is a fact!
I’m sorry but I have to call BS on your entire response. I have to laugh and just tell myself that there’s no way on earth that anyone could be so naive to believe that a company that’s for profit would not be out to sabotage breastfeeding mothers. There’s no way in hell that you can believe that Similac or Enfamil or any of them are actually pro breastfeeding. Because if they were there would not be hundreds of thousands of samples sent out to mothers month before their babies arive. They would be sending breast milk storage bags instead. I happen to be one of the few mothers that had no choice but to formula feed my son a $60 a can formula due to an extreme allergy to milk soy corn and numerous other foods and when donor milk and goats milk did not help and FTT set in, I did what was best for my son in the long run and in order to keep him alive. I’ve worked labor and delivery where formula is given to a baby instead of breast milk forso-called reasons like low blood sugar and all of those other things that make up instead of allowing the mom to put baby directly to breast. Obviously most of you who read this are those mom to get super offended and feel like you’re being judged when I really could care less how you feed your baby it’s not my business but I do care when truth isn’t being told and a company intentionally tries to sell a product that is never ever going to compare to breastmilk. Which you just alluded to that the formula company makes a product similar to breast milk which it will never be. So that idea needs to be thrown out the window right there.
Let me first say, I’m not a mom who gets “super offended” I just happened to come across this article and the subsequent comments… but when I came across your comment I was totally flabbergasted!
You laid the foundation for why you had to formula feed your baby a $60 can of formula (due to various allergies).Then you chastise the formula-making company for making the (same) formula that you, with your righteous indignation, fed to your baby in order to keep him alive. Then, you continue along, chastising OTHER mothers for giving their babes formula, for whatever so-called reason they gave, like “low blood sugar and all those other things instead of putting the baby to the breast…” you truly personify a double edged sword. Why is it ok for you to berate other bottle feeding moms? Is it because your need to bottle feed outweighed another mother’s?
As a mother of two boys, I was unable to get either one to latch on. They were both placed in the NICU after birth. I’m type 1 diabetic and both my children had complications from complicated pregnancies. My older son had stopped moving due to a perforated ileum. He also had low blood sugar, and needed a blood transfusion. This was all discovered by the medical staff while I’m in the recovery room heavily sedated post c-section. They needed to raise his glucose levels, and he needed a surgery. I am a mother who, at the time, rebuked bottle feedings because the breast is the best! Well honey, I pumped and brought bottles of milk, the staff had to request that I not bring anymore because he was not able to feed yet (this was a week post op). I continued pumping and storing at home… By the time he got discharged from the hospital, he wouldn’t latch on, try as I might. Eventually, post partum set in, I was totally dejected, a failure, and a nobody for not breastfeeding my child. Well, he’s 12 years old now and who cares? He’s a strapping young man. Healthy as a horse and I’m no better nor worse a mother for giving him formula. With him I tried my all. With my younger son, he wanted to breastfeed, but it just didn’t work. Never had a good supply? Was too lazy? Didn’t want to be disappointed? Whatever the reason, he never breastfed. This is no way, shape, or form makes me any less than a mother who breastfeeds. You have good breastfeeding moms and you have bad ones. You have good bottle feeding moms and likewise, you have bad ones.
Please, don’t try to belittle anyone for making their decision. Whether a breast or bottle feeding mom. Let’s just agree to disagree. Respect each other’s decision. Don’t make excuses for yourself and then throw another mother under the bus.
Regardless of how you view the ad, be kind to one another.
My doctors office tried to give me similac coupons when I first signed up, and even told me that I could get free samples in the hospital when I give birth. I told them I wouldn’t be needing those things because I’m breastfeeding. I just think it’s inappropriate that these formula companies target women right at their doctors offices, before they even give birth, in their effort to normalize formula. Isn’t Similac mostly corn syrup and sugar? How is that equal to the nutrients in breast milk?? How is that even an acceptable infant food??
What a well written argument! I’m not sure I completely agree to the extent of your feelings but it gave me pause for sure.
I would love to learn more about what you’re talking about when you mention the negative effect of formula companies in foreign nations if you had a link to any articles. I’ve never heard that before and it disturbs me greatly.
Jus google either nestle boycott (though its most if not all companies) or formula and developing nations. I wanted to copy a link but my phone isn’t letting me!!!
I always think folks who say ‘don’t judge ‘ must be freakung saints. Of course humans judge; our brains are built for it and primed for confirmation bias and us vs them thinking. I choose certain parenting techniques because I think they are better for my child, so saying I won’t judge other techniques as lesser seems almost impossible. A better statement, rather than. ‘Dont judge’ would be. ‘Be kind, polite and compassionate’. Recognize you don’t know the struggles that led the other parent to their parenting style. Be polite. Realize the other person is also trying to do their best. In shorthand, it might be ‘keep quiet about your judgment’.
I agree, the ad left a bad taste in my mouth and left me feeling like I’m a bully because I breastfeed. It’s time people take responsibility for their own feelings, decisions and actions and stop perpetuating the mommy wars. Shame on you similac for not leading by example.
I just want to give my support. I feel no desire to watch that ad. Companies that produce cancer causing chemicals (“the family company) also produce emotional mommy ads. They have the resources to do so, just like every other mega-corporation. Formula should be used for its original intention – in EXCEPTIONAL circumstances. There are 100 ways our society has failed mothers and babies so that formula dominates. There is no biological possibility that could result in such dismal nursing rates – as you know, it is (mostly) a result of societal impacts including ads like that one. Dr. Newman estimates about 2% of women really need formula. It is not a personal failure of women, but a failure of our culture that is dominated by monied interests.
I watched the ad and had absolutely no idea it was developed by a formula company and when I found out I have to say it certainly didn’t change my opinion of the ad; it was a funny ad about what happens every day online and in the real world; people judging people for their choices. I wonder as you watched the ad did you like it, before you found out it was developed by a formula company? At what point exactly did you decide this ad was anti breastfeeding, when the words Similac appeared at the end? I mean as a working executive mother I didn’t view it as stab at working mothers so I am wondering why so many are viewing it as anti breastfeeding? I actually laughed when the SAHM made their comments cause I get them all the time from that group and yet if at the end it would’ve said “brought to you by proud SAHM’s of America” I wouldn’t of like it any less, my opinion wouldn’t have veered. There are judgemental people everywhere and the fact is there always well be and for them I say this “Stop worrying about what I’m doing, and start worrying about why you’re worried about what I’m doing.” I say BRAVO to Similac and wonder if it would have been any other groups ad in the end if people’s opinion of the video would be different?
As I shared with someone else, I didn’t like it from the get go (not knowing who did it) but knowing who made it helped clarify exactly what it was that irked me about it. I do believe if a similar ad had been made by a non-profit or some other group, it would look subtly and importantly different.
Hey! Read the entire article and I just wanted to say I’ve been there. One of the massive problems with advertisements and the stereotypes that the perpetuate is that they effect you down to your core. Their subtle hints erode your belief system in a way that happens so slowly you genuinely believe your opinion is your own. And should someone question “your” beliefs, anger ensues. I’ve questions a lot of ads like this and got destroyed by waves of people on the internet conditioned by these.
Recently, George Takei posted something on his page where it used the term “babysitting” to describe when the father watches a child. I was offended by this because I hate the mom/dad war and get sick of people saying that father’s don’t parent and merely babysit. By the time I got up from my nap with him today, I found that a ton of Takei’s fans had belittled me for not being able to take a joke and called me self righteous and a slew of other things.
So, I feel you and wish I could offer more than send a mental hug your way. Just keep on keeping on, keep fighting the good fight, and keep with you the knowledge that you’re more than likely not going to be raising one of these people who’s become a slave to marketing. That’s really all you can do at the end of the day.
Kudos to an excellent read. I totally agree with your take on the commercial. Something didn’t feel right about it when I saw it. You spelled out the issues. Thank you.
I didn’t watch it. I’m always curious why formula ads are even allowed. Why are there not ads for milk banks?
I’m sorry, but your response DOES sound like an attack on those who formula feed. You may not have meant it that way, but that is the way it comes across. It comes across worse in your post than an attack on judgmental breastfeeding moms comes across in the ad.
You could just say, “I support breastfeeding. I feel this ad supported formula feeding (of course it did, it was a formula making company who created it) and I think breastfeeding is best. But, because I’m not judging (as you claim), if you choose to formula feed because you saw this ad, or because breastfeeding was really hard for you, or because you just didn’t like it, or because you medically couldn’t, that’s okay. As long as you are trying to be a good parent, it really doesn’t matter.
But you don’t say that. You still make it sound like anyone who formula feeds for whatever reason is wrong. That is how ANYONE who formula feeds takes what you have written because it is a very emotional subject for them. Apart from any other controversial parenting topic (vaccines, circumcision, cry-it-out, etc.) how you feed your baby is VERY emotional because it really just doesn’t work for everyone. A long time ago, babies would sometimes die of starvation because there was no other solution. Or they were fed goat’s milk or even cow’s milk because there was no other solution. I know formula ISN’T breastmilk but I don’t think anyone who formula feeds believes it is. They just know that it is a way to feed their baby that will nourish them.
I am a breastfeeding advocate. I encourage all my new mom friends and family members to breastfeed and do their best. But I, myself, wasn’t successful at it and I have beat myself up over and over again through the bearing and feeding of my six babies because I didn’t. My youngest is almost 2 and I still have that horrible mom-guilt that I should have tried harder, I should have loved it more, I should have really worked at it, I failed. Your post perpetuated those feelings extremely. I would never tell another mom they should just give up if it’s hard, but I will tell them that if they end up choosing to, they are going to be just fine and they shouldn’t beat themselves up. The beating oneself up over this subject is very real but unless you end up formula feeding after trying to breastfeed, you really can’t understand how it feels.
Oh and I wanted to add…I am all about advocating for breastfeeding, and doing it in public. When I see a mom breastfeeding in public, I like to tell her, good job, keep it up. Just because some of us didn’t breastfeed doesn’t mean we hate it and we fight against it. But many pro breastfeeders fight against formula feeding for any reason and really do make snarky comments about how we feed our babies. And I know you feel that’s not how your post came across, but it did.
The overwhelming majority of new moms in the United States leave the hospital intending to breast feed. A huge portion of them will use formula at some point.
Most formula feeding moms were breast feeding or trying to breast feed at some point. They aren’t anti breast feeding
I have to say that I think your comments were what stoked the “mommy wars” comparisons – not the ad itself. I don’t think most people watched it so closely so they could determine which group they were supposed to hate. Or maybe they did, and it was just me that didn’t. But your comments certainly pointed that out to them, so I don’t know why you were so shocked you got reactions. Anyway. It was funny to me. I wish more parents would stop endlessly analyzing their parenting skills and, more importantly, comparing them to others. Mind your business, know your kid, end of story.
Thank you! I’ll admit, I liked, and even shared, this commercial. But then I watched it again, and I felt off about it. But I couldn’t put my finger on it. You hit the nail on the head. Thank you thank you thank you! Advertising definitely works, because they got me. But I know better now 😉
You know, when things like this come up, I feel exceptionally clueless. I saw the video in question on a facebook post. I had no idea it was put on by a formula company. I liked the idea that everyone has their way, everyone values their way, but ultimately, we value our kids.
I think it’s sad that the writer of this article got attacked for not liking the add. Personally, I did like the add because it was funny. Never in a million years did I see all these potential interpretations giving the idea that formula was inherently superior. Granted, I’ve been very blessed to never have to defend my choices on child rearing to anyone. My family supported me in all the choices I made for feeding, birthing, etc. I’ve also never felt the need to defend those choices on a broader scale. Additionally, I’m not a suspicious reader/viewer. By “suspicious” I could also say “critical.” I don’t necessarily look for the deeper bit.
I value this article because it helped me to do that. Again, I would have never seen these potential layers without guidance. It’s not how I view things. Thank you for an informed viewpoint and your thoughts on it. Whether I share them or not, they’ve given me a new way to view things.
I had my babies back in the Dark Ages (late 1980s). My first was born at 33 weeks, four weeks after I hemorrhaged (placenta implanted in my cervix) and was flown to a high-risk hospital. He was, obviously, C-section. I nearly died. He spent his first month in NICU being tube fed because he had no suck. None. And his heart stopped beating when his mouth/tongue were touched. Great introduction to motherhood. It was a long slog from being told I couldn’t BF because he was premie to being told he had to have breastmilk to him self-weaning at 21 months while I was pregnant with his little brother. I became a La Leche League leader, counseled about a zillion moms, attachment parented, advocated for breastfeeding …… the whole 9 yards. And still, some of my breastfeeding ‘sisters’ never stopped telling me that if I’d been more positive and held the right attitudes and taken the right herbs, the placenta would not have been a problem. Oh, and better to let an eardrum burst than give antibiotics. Oh, and vaccinate? Was I crazy? Oh, and ………
I loathe the American way of treating motherhood as a disease and an inconvenience. I honestly credit my decision to breastfeed, and my ridiculous persistence through overwhelming problems, with my first son’s ability to overcome the problems that came because of he premature birth and my blood loss four weeks earlier. That said, some of us are the worst advocates in the world for breastfeeding. We hurt other moms when we need to support them. Yes, some women do need c-sections. Yes, some women can’t breastfeed. Really, can’t. at all. And some moms have no choice but to hand the newborn off to someone else and go back to work — many, many of the most vulnerable had to be back at work within a week to two weeks after birth.
The real obstacle to good parenting is our economy and income inequality. The real obstacle to good parenting is politicians who want women to lose our ability to control our own fertility as we choose. The real obstacle to good parenting is the growing undercurrent of belief that the time-consuming, overwhelming, amazing job of caring for small children is a waste of time and energy and needs to be left to people who make minimum wage or less.
I have been a good mother. My sons are great people and we are close. They’re good men. And they struggle, as do many of their peers, with finding a place in our squeezing economy. I know mothering consumes your energy right now. That’s just the way it is. But please, keep looking to the horizon. Your kids will need more than a memory of breastfeeding to survive in the world. And all of us who are mothers need each other. All of us. And not just to tell us what we’ve done wrong.
I liked this ad purely for entertainment purposes because a lot of times, that’s just how it is.
I’ve gotten grief for my c-section, not breastfeeding, not co-sleeping, not baby-wearing, using disposable diapers, not making my own baby food, letting my dog give him kisses, not getting down to my pre-baby weight, not making it work with my son’s controlling and mentally abusive father, having my sister watch my little boy for the afternoon so I could have me time, finding a man who loves me and treats me right, etc.
I put a lot of time and thought into every decision that I have made. I weigh all the options and choose what’s best for both my son and me, but that’s just not good enough for some people. No matter what parenting choices you make, there will always be someone there to tell you that you’re doing it wrong, and I say bring it on. They can throw their nasty comments and judgmental stares my way – I have a happy, healthy, smart, loving toddler and that’s all that matters.
“I’m rubber, you’re glue” is something we should re-learn as adults. Everybody has an opinion and so many times there’s no right or wrong about it. Unless there’s some inherent danger or harm, just let people live their lives. If everyone is happy and healthy and thriving, who cares whether they do things your way or their own?
I think anyone who found a problem with this commercial just put too much time into it. Yea, it’s an ad for formula, but isn’t that what every commercial is? An ad? This is just a nice was of saying, “calm down everyone, you’re doing your best, regardless of what method of parenting you choose”. Again, anyone who say which group insulted more is putting waaay too much thought into this. The lesbian couple didn’t say anything, so does that make this commercial anti-gay? No!
For people who shun bottle feeding, not every mother can breastfeed, be it a tough work schedule or they just simply cannot. I know dozens of friends who either didn’t have a good milk supply, suffered from clogged milk ducts constantly, their child never latched properly, the list goes on and on. If there was no formula, what would they do? They already feel like a “failure” so can we please not bash them anymore than necessary? Not every parent that bottle feeds is lazy.
All in all, I loved this commercial as I thought it was spot on; Put aside all your differences and just be a proud parent. Regardless of what you do, so long as your child is healthy and happy, you’re doing great!
I apologize in advance for the length of this comment. 🙂 So feel free to ignore it. Much of it does reiterate some of the other comments on here. I just felt like I needed to add my 2 cents.
The first time I saw the commercial, I laughed, and then I cried at the end (I cried the 2nd time I saw it, too). I didn’t see the subtle anti-BF undertones mentioned in the article. But then I thought about it. Tracy (the author of the article) is right.
I was first confronted with the formula-bullying at the hospital where I delivered my baby at 29 weeks. The nurses and doctors from the hospital were fabulous. It was a breastfeeding hospital, the NICU doctors came to talk to me about HOW my milk would be given to my baby once he was delivered, and their lactation consultants came by immediately to help make that happen. They were amazed at how much milk I was eventually able to produce (though I had my first instances of doubt after my colostrum came in, waiting for the milk to come in. It took about 36 hours, pumping every 2 hours, with nothing, and then all of a sudden it came in!!).
It was about a month into the NICU experience that we noticed that some NICU doctors floated in from other nearby hospitals. Those other hospitals are NOT breastfeeding-only hospitals. One of those NICU doctors decided, without talking to us, that he would start adding 22-calorie formula (Similac, by the way) to my milk to help our baby gain some much needed weight. The following two weeks were awful. Our baby would cry in excruciating pain, his poop turned smelly, nasty, hard, dark brown, rather than the non-offensive breast-feeding poop. I was most annoyed that our baby was not gaining any weight, despite the fact that was the reason he was put on the stuff (so glad I was tracking his weight daily). After two weeks, we put our feet down. While one of the non-floating NICU docs was there, we demanded that they stop. We had to show him charts of the weight not increasing for 2 weeks to convince him, but he agreed. All of a sudden, our son started gaining weight again and stopped crying when feeding him.
It was when our son was being discharged after 61 days in the NICU that we realized how much influence these formula companies have. A NICU doc from another hospital approached us and said we needed to supplement my breastmilk for the protein content, allegedly for my baby’s brain development. NEEDED. We just said to him, “why?” All we could think was: do you think Einstein was fed formula? How about Newton or Michelangelo? Why is this necessary? Wouldn’t we have died out as a species a long time ago if there were something deficient about breastmilk? Have you SEEN the amount of fat in my milk when it sits in the fridge for 12 hours (that’s where the protein is, by the way, in the fat)? Have you tested my milk? The answer was a big fat No. Oh, we were told, “breastmilk is low in calcium, magnesium, protein,” and whatever else… Okay, so we asked, “what do our son’s labs look like?” The doctor actually went to look, and came back with his head down, clearly disappointed to tell us that our son’s labs were off the charts in all the areas he said my milk was deficient.
It occurred to me that the formula companies are pushing their product on the doctors the same way the pharmaceutical companies push their brand of meds. So much so that the floating NICU docs actually think formula is necessary, even if the mother is BF’ing. The irony also hit me – every ad by the formula companies say they are “as close to breastmilk” as the other leading formula. Really? So if breastmilk is the Gold standard, and the formula companies try to emulate breastmilk, why would I need to add this second-rate product to my Gold standard breastmilk? It didn’t make sense to me.
Let me point out that I, like Tracy, understand that there are so many reasons why parents choose to feed their babies formula. I am not second guessing that decision. What bothers me is the fact that the formula companies have effectively made us BF’ing mothers out to be “nazi’s” when personally, I also made the choice that I felt was the best for my very fragile and weak baby born at 29 weeks.
The reality is that, in conversation with other moms, when you find out their baby is formula-fed, it’s way too late for those moms to start BF’ing their baby. There’s no talking her into breastfeeding, so who would even try? And presumably everyone knows the benefits of breastfeeding, so why knock her over a choice that is long since been made (and sometimes very necessary)? I don’t see the point in “rubbing it in” that I was blessed with the ability to BF. In fact, many of them feel the need to explain to me why they don’t BF, even though I don’t ask, as if I’m judging them. On the other side of that coin, I can’t tell you how many times I have had formula pushed on me. Why do they feel it’s appropriate? It’s as if some of the formula-feeding moms out there feel so guilt-ridden over not BF’ing their babies, for whatever reason, that they want to convert those of us who chose not to formula feed. Trying to convince me that formula is more convenient, that their baby sleeps through the night (then I tell them that mine has to, since a month after he was in the NICU), is not effective either.
What also surprised me in all this is the lack of support for BF – after my son left the NICU. I had to search out articles when I was having problems after my baby was home from the NICU. I’m not saying that BF is always easy, because it’s not. But it’s a heck of a lot easier to go buy formula than it is to get the BF support needed. I had never even heard of breastmilk donation until I was producing so much milk early on, some of the NICU nurses suggested it to me (and I did eventually donate quite a bit to a baby who needed it). I was glad I knew about it later, when at about 5 1/2 months, I started having trouble keeping up with my son’s demand (required over 33 oz of milk a day, and I was only producing about 24). Thankfully, our son’s pediatrician gave me the green light to start solids, which has saved the day. But I was ready to start asking for donated milk. Had it not been for the NICU nurses, I would have assumed I had to go to formula.
Then you learn the other ways we are subtly brainwashed. Like the study that says not to co-sleep with your baby. Well I suspect that the formula companies backed that research too, because what they didn’t publicize about the findings of that study is that formula fed babies are at higher risk at SIDS than BF babies, even though BF babies sleep next to their moms a lot in the process of BF’ing. Telling BF’ing moms NOT to sleep next to their babies will clearly reduce the chances that she will continue BF’ing. After that study became publicized, more babies started dying of SIDS as a result of co-sleeping on the couch, because the study specified sleeping in bed. The study also didn’t discuss other factors like drug and alcohol use during co-sleeping. The point is that co-sleeping in bed CAN be safe, if you take precautions. But this emphasizes the point – the study was yet another way to (ever so subtly) get BF’ing moms to stop BF’ing – just tell her that a natural and convenient way to BF her baby is going to kill her baby. Nice.
And it doesn’t stop there. They don’t tell you that a new mom who is given formula at the hospital is so much less likely to continue with BFing after leaving the hospital: because it’s too easy to stop when you have that canister of formula sitting there. I knew I was going to BF, so I clearly didn’t sign up for free formula samples. You would be astounded at the number of formula canisters I have in my house, even though I never asked for them.
Looking back, I laughed at the commercial because it is so silly. I never felt like I fit into any of the stereotypes in the ad, so maybe that’s why I didn’t find it offensive at first. Yes I BF, but I also work full time, so I pump. My husband feeds our baby BM when I can’t be there. I also baby-carry when we are out and about. I choose not to BF in public – I tend to look for a quiet, private place where I can feed him. I understand why women BF in public, and I am supportive of that – in fact, I will argue like the best of them for their right to do it. I am just modest, and I would rather there not be distractions for a moment between my baby and me, especially since I don’t like covering his face in 90 degree Florida heat. I assume most people probably don’t fit into any of the stereotypes either. But at the end of the day, I get it. Tracy is absolutely right. When I see how we BF’ing moms have been treated, and made out to be BF nazis, and how much influence the formula companies have on doctors and de-establishing BF’ing trends (like co-sleeping), it breaks my heart for all the BF’ing women out there who give in to the pressure.
Just my 2 cents. Thanks, Tracy, for the article, and for bringing this issue to the forefront.
I just saw the Similac ad via FB, not realizig it was an ad, thinking it was a little weird funny and then all lovey before my jaded self came bursting back when I realized it was a formula commercial. My knee jerk reaction to myself was, “oh I guess I AM judgmental”, after being bombarded by the “let’s just all get along” message of the ad. I was not aware of the viral-ness going on around this but I am so glad I came across your piece. Well done. You are bang on as far as I am concerned, in everything you wrote. I certainly could not have articulated my thoughts around this as you did. The normalization of formula makes my blood boil and don’t get me started on my feelings around the advertising industry! Thank you for expressing this.
I read your reply and I just wanna give you a hug! Thanks for sharing.
I didn’t know anyone had a real problem or didn ‘t support breastfeeding until I read other breastfeeding moms comments. My experience was totally different. My hospital were gentle lactivist and supported me in my journey. My Gynocologist was. My pediatrician was. My work was. My boyfriend was. No one ever said anything to me when I fed her public or not, and I come from a formula family. From my perspective, formula feeding moms have it way worse because of the harsh judgement they receive. I specifically chose a different hospital because of their tactics to get you into breast feeding views after a sweet and wonderful fellow mother was almost driven into a complete meltdown over the pressure they placed on her to breastfeed.
That ad made my skin crawl some people judge other people and justify their own choices by belittling other people – not nice any way you look at it. I worked hard to prep myself for birth, bf and beyond and still found it complex but I got a good std hosp= b1, good bf1, and over time found it sooo convenient. When I went back to work we he had formula and kept bf when we were together – still no drama but I felt sorry for people washing bottles from day one let alone the cost. B2 I was brilliant 1.5hr hb – if it hadn’t been planned it would of come in the hallway or the car. So again I was grateful to have and easy plan that worked for me without the ptss that others reported to me about b2 fast births. B2 bf all the way to 16mths and then cows milk was so much easier and cheaper than formula but I would of used formula if I needed as we are sooo lucky we can all have all these options and cheap cows milk for the rest of our lives – why does everyone think everyone is judging us for getting by? My b1 slept all night by 6wks and b2 in 2wks – if I tell people some want to know if I can give them tips others hate hearing that its doable – I know I would be the one wanting tips not the one judging this person as just trying to upset them?? its up to all of us to rally around all mums and dads and be there for them when they need support not live a fractious life of constant judging and categorisation how boring and limited!
While I’m very understanding of breast feeding. I think alot of you are showing a huge lack of understanding. I breast fed two of my three boys. I NEVER felt bad about bf. Never had anyone give me heck over it. It wasn’t easy. I had alot of problems. However I pushed my way thru. My 3rd boy came along and I couldn’t….the milk wasn’t there….I tried, I pumped, I cried. I did EVERYTHING I could. My saving grace was that I HAD breast fed the other two. This helped immensely with the shaming that was going on because I wasn’t breastfeeding my 3rd son. Maybe it was being on the other side of it, but let me tell you MY cold hard truth. Formula Mom’s #1 feel guilty, sure some of us say we don’t but it hurts that we can’t do this “basic” thing for our babies. Secondly I was hounded MUCH more for not breast feeding my 3rd son, than I EVER was for breastfeeding my 1st two. Now that being said……all of my children are perfectly healthy, and if I’m being honest my 3rd son is healthier, quicker, and faster that my 1st 2. Moms need to do what works for them and their children. But the slogan “Breast is best” is simply not true in my life…..speaking of what is the slogan for formula Mom’s??? I haven’t heard one……. So as the saying goes walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. It makes you a better person.
Man, where do I start on this? Guess I’ll start with the over all message, which is actually pretty mean spirited with its humor despite the last few seconds attempt to make everything seem warm. The commercial drives all of its humor by playing negative stereotypes up. Every woman is judgmental and every guy is clueless.
Speaking of guys, as one I was automatically put off by this as well. Not just because the portrayal of men was so poor (No comment back on the “your wife has the day off?”) but also because the campaign is named in a way the is aggressively exclusionary towards men. “The Sisterhood of Motherhood” Couldn’t just be a sisterhood or about mothers but both, like a giant “No Men Allowed” Sign. Apparently the men where just there to point and laugh at but aren’t meant to be taken seriously as parents.
And back on the women side of this. There are so many crunchy mom stereotypes and yet I didn’t really notice much negativity coming from the formula feeding moms. They fly under the radar while the “crunchy” moms spew bile at everyone in sight.
Then the commercial finished and confirmed my feeling as to why this was made. From a marketing standpoint it’s a great way to sell formula.
I think it’s incredibly telling that most FF love it and many other parents (guys and BFers) don’t. They clearly hit their target right on, and heaven forbid you disagree! (I’ve learned from all the “non-judgmental” people that if you dislike it you’re a horrible human being who is mean and judgmental to all others…)
Okay, what gets me with the opening of your facebook statement is you are defending judging. Oh, but you aren’t a meanie judger, you are…. some other kind of judger (you don’t specify so I won’t try to figure out what kind of judging you think is appropriate). But then you’re not happy that you’re getting called out on being judgmental.
I think that to read any one group as being intentionally meaner than the others takes reading things into the ad that weren’t intended and are not actually there. Is it an ad to advertise formula? Yes, there is the Similac brand at the end, it advertises formula. But that does not mean they portrayed breastfeeding moms intentionally in a worse light than they did formula feeding moms.
The formula feeders did insult, and they are introduced first coming into the park like they are looking for a rumble, aggressive posture and swinging the bottles spraying formula about, that is NOT a positive portrayal of formula or formula feeding mothers. It is simply not. I wanted to note too that Breast Police absolutely is an insult. Just because in some areas online that may not be regarded as the insult it is means nothing. There are also places where the current runs the other way, where formula feeding parents are insulted and that is considered okay and warranted commentary on them and not an insult.
Then notice the scene when all the groups are moving in as if to fight, no group is singled out as worse, they are moving in aggressively, that’s the whole point of the ad. Portraying stereotypes attacking each other in stereotypical ways, then breaking out to all come together to save the baby. The ad was clearly designed to show all the groups as roughly equal in their judging and in their aggression IMO. It was also the breastfeeding mothers who are shown first noticing the baby’s stroller rolling away and starting after it, then in the scene where they stop the stroller at the bottem, there are babywearers and breastfeeders right beside the stroller. So they are all shown in a bad light and all shown in a good light at the end.
I simply do not understand how this could be interpreted as a subtle or not subtle slam on breastfeeding or breastfeeding mothers or advocates. And I say this as someone who was a breastfeeding mother.
I disagree strongly that this ad is making sure that people who speak up for breastfeeding look like meanies. But I think formula is portrayed as an equal choice because in terms of what people should be judging other people regarding, it absolutely is an equal choice. There are differences between the two, but at the end of the day, both feed babies.
Now the end where you insinuate that people will be sucked into the “built-in message” because that’s what advertising does, well that’s only IF the message is actually there for starters. You have not shown that it is there, you cherry picked a couple things and took them out of context. to make your point. And then too not everyone is as gullible to ads as you think.
Your facebook comment found insult where none was intended. And it defended judging and insinuated that people cannot see through ads. Sure ads are big business, but not all people are so blind as you think. And beyond that, it takes the message actually being there. I’m sorry but this is absolutely not setting any one group of judgmental parents up to be seen as bigger meanies than any other group of judgmental meanies.
It was actually a message of people putting aside differences and coming together with a common cause, coming to the aid of a child in need. But instead of taking that away you found insult towards yourself and at the same time defended judging others. And you wonder why your facebook post exploded and then blame the ad? The ad is making a statement against the mommy wars, you seem to embrace them with many of the things you say.
I seriously laughed out loud while reading this. The fact that anyone can really sit there and compare cigarette smoking with formula feeding in any way, shape or form is beyond ridiculous and kind of proves how the term “breastfeeding police” may have come about. Some people are over the top. Loved the Similac ad! It was funny, light hearted, silly and showed support of formula moms first (duh, it’s Similac ad) but also for all moms. Formula has saved many lives and many babies have thrived, and will continue to thrive, on formula so I thank God for formula. And formula is definitely a lot more beneficial than smoking cigarettes lol. 🙂 You may call the Similac ad misleading.. well, what about the breastfeeding ad that indicates breastfeeding will make your baby a rocket scientist? What about bringing up smoking in a blog post about formula? Talk about misleading…
It’s an advertisement for formula milk. That is all. I personally can’t believe that people are going ‘oh this is so heart warming’. It’s an ADVERTISEMENT for a FORMULA company.
All they are trying to do is sell their formula milk! That is all! It’s not a charity! They are not making a public service video out of the goodness of their hearts! It’s designed to make money!
This whole thing is a real smh head, :-o, facepalm moment for me. The advertising company/department and Similac must be laughing all the way to the bank.
Of course in one statement the author demonstrates that she is defending her own bullying nature:
“I have formula feeding family (by choice and by medical condition and by horrible misleading statements by doctors), I have formula feeding friends (again, by choice and by “failure” to breastfeed).”
Passing over my thoughts on this sort of off hand dismissal of medical advice that seems so dangerously prevalent in our culture, those little sarcastic quotes around the word failure are ridiculously insulting. Apparently the author presumes to know the medical and personal concerns of all her “formula feeding friends” and finds their “failure” to be disingenuous (perhaps laziness on their part?). This sort of comment proves that the author cannot operate outside the limits of her own personal biases and any statement of fact is subject to the limits of her confirmation bias. This becomes painfully obvious after glancing through her chosen research rebuttals and is quite distressing from someone who claims to have a Ph.D. I’m going to go ahead and assume that this blog and your research rebuttals are your answer to not being able to get past a peer review process.
Just to clarify for you (though I doubt you care): The horrible misleading statements by doctors included to my grandmother who was told that her breastmilk was inferior to formula (in the 50s) and that to breastfeed would harm her children. The use of “failure” is because it’s how they have described it. I could just write failure but I hate that because it’s not THEIR failure – it’s a society that is structured such that the deck is stacked against them. Interesting you went to such a dark place though.
As for peer-reviewed publications, I have enough that I’m happy with (4 in 2014) and what I write here isn’t really meant for peer-review, although shorter versions of some of these have appeared as responses in places like Pediatrics.
People on the Internet being mean and rude to one another? Stop the presses… this is just another instance of the Web being the world’s longest shouting match, no matter what the actual topic is.
THANK YOU! I have breastfed my 4 children and it has been easy for me on many levels, but especially because I stopped working with my first and never had to worry about supplying milk when I wasn’t there. Society has failed women and children in this country. It breaks my heart when women have to go back to work 6 weeks post-partum to a place that isn’t even required by law to provide a break or a sanitary place to pump breastmilk. Or to hear men who literally say their wives breasts are “for them (men) only.”
On a totally different note, my best friend is a gay man that spent years working for a health charity. It drives him crazy to this day that people in this country don’t understand the long term health implications of formula fed babies. He’s the only man without children that i know who actively promotes breastfeeding.
I agree! I commented on BF board about my frustrations regarding a friend who switched to formula because her doctor told her that her BM want nutritious enough.
These women on a BF board of all things freaked on me, saying I was perpetuating mommy wars, etc & shaming formula… In reality I was more lamenting that my friend likely received misinformation, likely from an old school doc; however, these women decided to make an issue where there was none.
So did you not notice that the first snarky remark made is by the formula-feeding mums? They say “oh look, it’s the breast police!” That’s not a particularly nice way to describe breastfeeding mums, wouldn’t you say?
I actually spoke about that in the piece here.
Mom’s do not have to feed their babies under blankets. That was the most upsetting to me. it has been 10 years since I breastfed and I will never forget the shame. this ad makes it worse.
Yes it an ad for Similac, but think the sentiment of non-judgment comes from the right place. You have the right to not like the video though it seems the writer dislike comes from a cynical stance of believing the makers of the video have an agenda and are being manipulative. The fact is we are being sold to all the time sometimes without being informed. It would be more troubling if Similac made the video and did not identify themeselves. For discloser I worked in advertising for 16+ years and I do not work for or represent Similac.
You believe that even though it was the formula companies that started the division by the use of “breast is best” and the ensuing implications?
wow, i bet you’re fun at parties. nitpick much? you are the exact reason an ad had to be created in the first place. who in their right mind sits there keeping score of the comments in a commercial??? shame on you, you deserve the outrage directed at you for this nonsense of a post.
let’s just test this out…i have three boys, one of whom i am holding now after having just fed him formula, and i CHOSE not to breastfeed any of them. no medical conditions, nothing stopping me from breastfeeding., no guilt. if you want to breastfeed, do it, that’s great. thank goodness neither the formula “side” or the breastfeeding “side” can make that decision for women.
oh i loved this commercial. especially when the formula brand pops up in the end. it cracked me up. Now the reason i found it funny is because sometimes walking into certain situations feels like this. no one actually INSULTS each other, but we have the large group of women who are business/nanny moms, a small selection of moms who breastfeed (some with nannies some without), a few stay at home moms, almost all moms use strollers, and then me.. the ‘hippy’ or AP approach/ home birth stay at home mom. I can feel the resentment in a room when i enter and I NEVER have spoken negatively against formula. parenting often includes being judged for your decisions and its hard not to think others are doing it wrong. I found this commercial to be affirming to my decision to breastfeed and addressed a few of the ‘insults’ i do hear (crunch, nipples blazing, one of those moms, hippy). I will point out I found the group of new moms at the beginning (the ones nervously wearing newborns but neither breastfeeding nor bottle totting) to be interesting. they haven’t made their call yet. in this way, your right, they are the target for this ad and they do need more info on breastfeeding.
also, i didn’t feel the fathers were ‘into breast’ as in sexually, i thought of them as on the line about breastfeeding, i felt that several of them were supporting breastfeeding. I didn’t get the idea that they all supported formula or bottle feeding.) They are apart of parenting though and they do get those kind of comments. I know a few dads who get insulted every time they get one of those ‘oh daddys babysitting’ looks. poor guys.
It was an advertisement. That is why the ad popped up at the end. I was actually given much grief by people who said having a midwife was the only wayt to go. My son was born early by an emergency c-section and would have died otherwise. And, by the way., 17 years later he is thriving. I desperately wanted to breastfeed but didn’t produce enough milk, once again I received a lot of grief, but without formula my son would have gone without food. I found the ad spot on. GOOD JOB … WELL DONE SIMILAC. YOU NAILED THIS ONE. Reminding us that most of us are loving parents and all have the best of intentions!!! GOOD JOB.
Breastfeeding is THE MOST OVERRATED THING I have ever done for my child. It has been the biggest mistake I have made in his 9 month life. I had a terrible experience with latch, milk supply, mastitis, etc. etc. etc. Yet I kept on doing it for 4 months despite HATING it, my child crying all the time, and neither of us ever sleeping. Well, when I returned to work, I was left with no choice but to start supplementing with formula. It was like my son was a different baby overnight once I quit breastfeeding. He immediately started sleeping through the night, napping better during the day, and is the happiest child you’ll ever meet (no more constant crying like he did when I nursed him). One of the reasons I stressed so much about quitting breastfeeding was because of those obnoxious activist-types (like the author of this article) who keep telling you, “don’t quit!” and try to make you believe formula is the worst thing you can do for a child. Well, knowing what I know now, I wish I had never even messed with breastfeeding! It totally ruined my newborn experience with my son. I think if people want to do it, great. Knock yourself out. But breastfeeding advocates as a whole are so obnoxious and overbearing and they tell everyone, “not to quit” despite it not working out for the majority of women. I’m not sure if they realize this, but there are many larger issues to deal with in the grand scheme of life. Interestingly enough, I was a breastfed baby and yet I suffer from terrible seasonal allergies and asthma. Moral of the story is, if you want to breastfeed, good for you. But quit playing the martyr card and stay out of everyone else’s business.
While I appreciate and understand that “Breast is Best” I wish everyone who saw a mother feeding their baby with a bottle would quit assuming that she doesn’t care enough about her baby to breast feed.
When my son was born I bought into the Breast feeding ins the Only way hype. As a new mother I didn’t know what to expect or what to look for. My own mom was a hundred miles away and dealing with my father who had cancer at the time. So I was on my own.
I was told to feed whenever he was hungry and not to use a bottle because it would cause nipple confusion, as a result I nearly lost my son. I thought he was a great baby sleeping 6 hours at a time. When I took him back for his one week check up I found out he was starving and had lost nearly a pound. In a 6 lb infant that is a lot.
After checking him into the hospital and getting the “didn’t you know he was hungry? What were you doing? and Why were you not feeding him speech. The nurses set me up to pump to see if we could get him to eat.
Well that is when we found out that I didn’t have any milk. My breasts were pouring milk everywhere on Saturday and on Monday I pumped less than an ounce. No wonder he was starving. Like I said as a new mother I didn’t know any better.
I guess what I am trying to say is that there are those of us who desperately wanted to breast feed but can’t. So Please stop judging, and keep your modesty intact, you don’t have to let it all hang out and sometimes when you do it hurts others, because we could never do something that you are flaunting in our faces. Even though my son is now 15 and a normal robust kid, it still causes me pain that I nearly killed him trying to do “What just comes naturally to mom’s”.
Well, I’m from Holland so I didn’t know what Similac is (in Holland it’s called Nutrilon or Nestle) but if you would have asked me what it is, I would have guessed Similac is an organisation for breastfeeding!! So I don’t have the same feelings as you have about this commercial and I didn’t see the “underground message” that you see in it.. 🙂
The only thing I thougt that isn’t the way as it is in real life, is the fact that the “bottle-mothers” immediatly say “breastpolice” (or something like that), because most of the time people use words like Breastapo is in a reaction of somebody that tells them that they don’t do it right because they use a bottle.
(Sorry for the bad English, English isn’t my first language 😉 )
Thank you for this. I couldn’t articulate exactly WHY this commercial didn’t sit well with me, but you’ve hit on so many great points. An especially important one in the “mommy wars” theme is confusing product with people. I have friends who formula feed – I love them and still think they’re great mothers even though I believe they’re misled on the formula issue.
Thanks for your great insights 🙂
I usuallly don’t waste my time adding to these sorts of conversations but I decided to this time. Forgive me.
I am the mother of 3: my oldest was a micropreemie, breastfed for 2 years. My second was full term and breastfed exclusively until he was 8 months then was supplemented with donated breastmilk when I got pregnant but is still happily nursing now along side his little brother. The third was a little early as well and had trouble putting on weight in the NICU as? nd when we left the hospital we were given a can of *gasp* Similac Neosure if we decided to supplement. And that is what we chose.
So, as a breastfeeding mother AND Similac customer, do you know what I do not need? A commercial to give me the warm fuzzies about a choice I have made for my children. It is brilliant marketing, I will give it that….but I make medical decisions for my children with my partner and my pediatrician. And choosing formula is a medical decision. I find formula marketing just as odd and distasteful as commercials advertising medication for high blood pressure or overactive bladder. A cartoon bladder should not be swaying a person to ask for a specific medication. It is a bizarre. And we seriously have to question our collective intelligence if we can watch a commercial and convince ourselves it is just a feel-good PSA from your friendly neighborhood formula company.
What I also do not need is the internets…or mommy groups…or strangers at the grocery store to validate my life choices. I don’t care if someone thinks breastfeeding my preemie makes me a “rock star” any more than I care if they think my choosing formula supplementation this time around makes me “lazy.” It isn’t their business and by choosing not to feel personally offended if someone says something negative about something I chose or my personal circumstances, I can look at an argument rationally and decide whether or not I agree or disagree. In this case, I definitely agree. Formula is available to those who need and/or want it. A commercial that makes parents who disagree with each other look childish and mean-spirited is not a necessary component to getting formula into the hands of those that choose it. But I must admit, I cannot help but be in awe of the brilliance of it!
I wanted to share; but ‘wtf’ was in the ad…
Detour from shating.
Similac spent a shitton of money on research, writing, actors, and music to create and ad that almost everyone can relate to. It’s engineered to make you laugh a little, then cry (or feel a little choked up at least). If you know anything about marketing, it should also make you angry, because they are playing with your emotions in order to make money. That’s the point. Your personal stories of overcoming breastfeeding difficulties or whatever have nothing to do with it. If a person did this to you, it would be emotional abuse. Since a company is doing it, it’s just really brilliant marketing.
You can appreciate the ad without buying the product so then you’re basically costing them money.
I watched the ad and saw no such portrayal of the breast feeding mom’s being the mean mom’s. Not saying it doesn’t exist, But given the view points of the author is also imagine she is slightly more sensitive to the topic, and thus affected by it more. I also think there is an assumption made that the dads are formula feeding, whose to say the mom doesn’t pump and he has breast milk in the bottle? But you, the author, are the one who took the time to make the comment that formula isn’t equal to breast milk. … the ad never spelled out the message you claim they did. Perhaps they implied it, perhaps you’re just overly sensitive to such a message. But when you explicitly said that breast is better than formula, you single handedly criticized every woman who has formula feed her baby, for whatever reason they did. And yes, whether you like it or not, or want admit it or not, you became the judgemental one. Not the ad, not anyone else. So claim it was the ad and pretend you’re innocent all you want, but realistically, you are the one that judges when you say breast is better than formula. Even if all you mean is that there are health benefits breast milk offers that formula never can. Most of us know that. That’s why we initially feel like we’ve failed when our baby takes that first drink of formula. That’s how I felt when my oldest lost a pound in the hospital and they made my husband give him a bottle. But I never gave up, and supplemented instead of straight switched, so I see both sides of the story. And you don’t help those on the other side, who may not be there because they have to be. … but that’s the real message of the video, that you must have missed because you were so busy being offended that the breast feeding mom’s were the mean ones (honestly just going on your word here, seriously I missed that completely.)
Here’s the thing: If you view a statement of fact as judgment against you personally then we really have a problem. If I tell you that apples are better than bananas or almond butter is healthier than peanut butter, are you going to tell me I am personally being a judgmental ass towards people who like bananas or PB, even if they tried the others because they knew these differences? It’s ludicrous. Or how about a more parenting-based one with respect to TV use. If someone were to say that having no screen time prior to 2 years of age is better than having your kids watch TV or screens prior to 2 is better, would they be judging me as a parent? As someone whose daughter was watching certain shows early (well before 2), I certainly don’t take it personally. If they’re judging, that’s on them to deal with, but I take no offence to any of those articles or statements of fact about that. It is true and in an ideal world I would not have her watching as early as she did, but in our circumstances it was something that was done for various reasons. And I’m happy to own that AND fight for changes that would mean I didn’t feel TV was needed for me to function properly in my various roles (i.e., to give me time to get things done sometimes).
But by shutting down discussion (which this ad and the formula company devised “breast is best” which adds a whole layer), how on earth do we help the people who WANT to breastfeed and face the insurmountable barriers that our society has placed in front of them. How is this level of shutting down discussion helpful? How is taking comments that are based on fact as negative judgments going to ever move the discourse forward?
If that’s judgment, I’ll own it. However, if that’s judgment, then we have problems in our society that I don’t think will ever get fixed until people get over themselves.
(As an aside, I wasn’t offended by the ad at all. I didn’t like it because of the implications that I systematically examined, but no offence taken.)
What this ad showed me, even before I read your very well thought out article, is that corporations will use any tool whatsoever to increase their bottom line…period. This ad proves it. They will gladly start a huge raging war over breastfeeding vs formula, just to sell more stuff. It’s exactly what is wrong with everything. These companies have no obligation whatsoever to their customers, only to their stockholders and with every year, regulations get rolled back so they can fleece us all even more. Safety be damned.
That alone, is enough for me not to want their product in my baby!
I have two points to make:
1 – It’s very unfortunate that formula feeding moms interpret the scientific fact the breastmilk is better than formula as judgement. it is not judgement. Nobody added the ‘and so you are a bad parent if you formula feed’ that many women seem to hear in this statement. Are we to pretend that the facts are not true because some mothers were unable to breastfeed?
2 – I don’t think all the stories women are sharing here are necessary, because nobody is asking you to defend yourselves, but since they are here (and on other sites in response to this ad) I’ve been reading them. It’s very salient to me that the large portion of stories of women who ‘couldn’t’ breastfeed are case where there was misinformation. No, your baby was not ‘starving’ at 4 days old because your milk was not in. No, you did not have to formula feed because your baby lost a pound. No, you did not have to formula feed your baby because she was was feeding every 20 minutes for the first six weeks of her life. Your milk supply dropped? You need help with your latch, and baby needs to be checked for physical issues with the latch. None of these are reasons to stop breastfeeding for a mama who wants to breastfeed. These are cases where the people around you are failing you. Be they doctors or nurses in the hospital, well-meaning friends, or your own parents, they gave you bad information. Many of these stories include a modicum of heartbreak. What’s most sad to me is that the heartbreak was unnecessary. I know the pain because it happened to me with my first – a nurse bullied me into formula feeding – and also because I have friends who it happened to recently – one who desperately tried to re-lactate weeks later after realizing the nurses had been wrong.
These stories are EXACTLY why there is a problem with this commercial. This commercial seeks to maintain the status quo of normalizing formula feeding, so that nurses and doctors can continue to say ‘it’s just as good’ to a mama who is struggling. The subtle undertones are ‘it’s OK, give in, there’s no difference between formula ad breastmilk.’ And when mamas do give in, it’s cha-ching for the formula companies.
I have countless stories of women who are formula feeding who do not want to do so, and cannot afford to do so. We don’t have to go to the developing countries to see cases where people who cannot afford formula are stuck in a cycle of formula feeding. I have personally sent Paypal to women to help them get formula – women who wished they could breastfeed but did not get the support they needed. No formula company cares how it hits a poor family’s wallet. Feeding babies should never be a for-profit endeavor. It is absolutely 100% WRONG.
I’m a breastfeeding mom. I’m also a journalist so I understand the skepticism in terms of considering the source coming from Similac. But, I actually had the converse reaction where I thought “Wow, they are mentioning breastfeeding a lot” In my mind being a badass is a good thing, maybe since my job requires it, so I didn’t see the breastfeeding moms as antagonistic,. I think everyone got pretty even footing here.
It is a bummer that something kind of cool has been turned into something divisive (again). If you’re comfortable with your choices you don’t have to critical of others or defensive of your own. People also don’t need a reality check that it is an advertisement because they have eyes. I liked the ad, I liked the message, I’m not buying the product because I don’t need it. But, I am a storyteller and they told a good story with a lot of truth in it a short amount of time and that’s why it resonates with people. Because of the judgement is exhausting and continues to be.
Do you know why this ad worked? Because it exploited a stereotype. Like it or not there is kernel of truth behind what was said. Say what you want about Similac exploiting the stereotype but for moms like me who tried to breastfeed, worked with lactation consultant after lactation consultant, only to see judgement heaped on us, this commercial tapped into a deep emotion. Yes, your prophecy was fulfilled but only because it was a self fulfilling one. ‘”I am going to say some judgmental things about a choice some people have made and then as proof of the judgmental things I said, people will fire back at me.” Anything else you would like to predict? Huh, Mrs. Obvious?
What did she say that was judgmental?
Wow. This commercial is certainly getting traction and all the bloggers are weighing in and getting their hits off it as well.
You want to stop Mommy Wars? Ignore the very things that perpetuate Mommy Wars. Ignore that nagging fear in your gut that you aren’t doing the right thing. Ignore that self-righteous twinge you get when you KNOW you’re doing what is best for you baby. Ignore the commercials that push it, the blog posts that promote it.
If we all collectively agreed to stop being self-righteous or defensive about our choices, they’d go away. Just like that.
Do your best. Assume that everyone else is doing their best. And shut up about what a woman chooses to do with her breasts. It’s none of your damn business.
Finally, it’s a COMMERCIAL. It’s subversive and sneaky and warm and fuzzy because that’s how advertising works. Can someone explain to me how a formula company advertising the use of formula is surprising?
(I do feel bad for the portrayal of the dad’s. They get shut out of the “Sisterhood of Motherhood”, they are treated as rubes, and they can’t even agree amongst themselves. If we wanted to argue about something that’s setting women back, it’d be that we aren’t showing the respect for good fathers that they legitimately deserve.)
The bickering here in comments is evidence of the author’s accurate perception of this ad. Similac has succeed in making people perpetuate the so called mommy wars. And they have done it so that when anyone dislikes their supposedly harmonious ad, then those people must be judgmental meanies. Well played, Similac, well played.
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You are the problem. You are taking a positive message and turning it back into mommy wars. Just stop. Please.
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Yeah, breast is best is all well and good, but formula has come such a long way that the benefits are minimal at best. I’ve talked to our pediatrician about this, and they’ve seen sickly breastfed babies and hardy formula fed babies. If you want to breast feed, that’s awesome and every woman should get support for that. I see a lot of women being told “well, just switch to formula” when they struggle, and that’s no better than “everyone can breast feed why can’t you?” when formula feeding mother’s struggle. That needs to stop on both sides.
But let’s not pretend it’s a be all end all either. Not in a first world country anyway where there are so many resources available for proper nutrition to both mother and baby. In a third world country where clean water needed for formula is a luxury, I could understand. But here we have fresh produce, clean water, and excellent medical care at our disposal. It just simply isn’t a big difference in terms of health for your baby.
I formula fed because I didn’t like breast feeding. I make no apologies for it. I didn’t like it, and the effort : reward ratio wasn’t worth it for me. My child is perfectly healthy and excelling at her milestones at the same rate my breast feeding friend’s baby is. We both support each other and cheer each other on. I don’t see why more mothers can’t do that for each other.
If you think there are no issues with formula in a developed nation like ours, please please read this… http://joeyandrox.blogspot.ca/2015/02/throws-her-hat-in-ring.html
[…] criticism of the Similac video, which came via blog posts, articles in major news outlets, and Facebook debates, has centered on a few key questions: Would […]
[…] I'd share. Both make great points that I've thought myself, albeit the second is more polemical. https://gku.flm.mybluehost.me/evolutionaryparenting.com/tha…-know-the-one/ http://joeyandrox.blogspot.ca/2015/0…-ring.html?m=1 rparker is offline […]
Talk about nit picking a commercial. I’m surprised you’re not mad that the men were the first to catch the stroller. Maybe Similac trying to say that men can run faster and are more athletic.
Hello!
I’m from Brazil, I’m a mom of a 5-year old boy and I have a blog.
One of my friends tagged me on that video and I had a strange feeling watching it, but couldn’t put into words. And that’s what you did extremely well!
I’m just concerned regarding Similac making people perpetuate the “mommy wars” and that’s what that ad has been doing, unfortunatelly…
Thanks for sharing your opinion!
Love from Brazil <3
Here’s another view of this add that has been the source of much controversy: I love this add for the simple reason it has brought my family closer together and helped my step-children navigate a very high conflict divorce where responsible and seemingly caring adults have become bullies and the bully-victims. The children saw me watching the video and asked to watch it with me. Once they watched it once, they wanted to watch it a hundred times. I allowed another 2 viewings and a good family discussion before putting the video away. This video helped our children navigate the sometimes antagonistic world of adults behaving badly, even adults who are generally good and kind and love their children. This video helped our children realize that even though the adults in their life often battled about parenting issues, all the adults cared about the children and came through to put the safety and well-being of the children first. It helped our children realize that adults can struggle over different perspectives and behave badly on occasion. It helped our children realize that adults are far from perfect and that fathers are real parents, too, even when mothers challenge this notion. I truly thank the creators of this video. They have brought a deeper positive message into the life of my family: adults sometimes behave badly and believe too highly of their opinions in comparison to other adults’ opinions and yet, in the larger picture, these same adults can work together to do the right thing for the safety and well-being of children. This message, in my mind, trumps all the negative points you can say about this add. I thank the creators for helping our family come together!
I cried with the end. But to be fair it is an imaginary end. In reality they would all blame the mom, for letting go and tell her she is unfit.
We live in a world where we need to feed our insecurities with the knowledge we are doing better and unfortunately, we bash other people to arrive to that conclusion.
I breastfed my child for 3 years. I do have an opinion about the mothers that did not. Not the ones that wanted it but were lied to, but the ones that hide behind “I had no milk”, for their own reasons.
If you are a mom, you make sacrifices and it starts there. But I wont go to someones face and tell them I lost a bit of respect because its is none of my business, there is no need to hurt their feelings and who the hell am I to give my opinion about someone else’s choices?
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Well, you must have watched a different advertisement than I did, because your negativity is astounding. There wasn’t judgement of anyone by the end of the ad – that is what they learned. Duh !
I’m a first time mom and I’m still nursing my 11 month old. Nursing in the beginning was rough. What made it rough was the overwhelming lack of support. I can’t tell you how many people would try to convince me that my child is not getting enough and that I don’t have enough milk. It’s because everyone is used to seeing heavier babies from the formula. Nursing babies don’t gain as much weight. I always feel alone because no one nurses anymore. If similac wants to make an accurate commercial, they should only put one nursing mom with all of the bottle feeders attacking her. My doctor is amazed by my sons health and weight but everyone still tells me that I need to give him a bottle. My sister is a doctor and refuses to sit with me in the women’s lounge when I want to nurse because it’s “embarrassing”. She’s a DOCTOR and I’m hiding in the lounge. I’m not nursing in public. What I’m trying to say is that society makes nursing difficult when it’s the most natural and easy thing to do. I feel bad for the mothers who gave up because I’ve been there. I’ve had moments when I was going to give up because everyone around me was telling me that I don’t have milk. There are not that many resources out there because nursing is for free. I don’t judge bottle feeding mothers because I was about to become one due to the lack of support and information. It’s so sad that my baby is in perfect health but people still want me to stop nursing. What has this world come to.
[…] Social media has a dark side too though: if you’ve ever seen a discussion of the benefits of breastfeeding/risks of formula feeding take place on Facebook you’ll know what I mean. Although I love this topic, I almost never get involved, these discussions get nasty. These nasty discussions spawn terms like the ‘mummy wars’, the ‘breastapo’, and ‘nipple nazis’ and they have advertisers rubbing their hands together with glee because ‘mummies at war’ are ripe for exploitation for profit, in vomit-inducing ad campaigns like the one shown here. […]
[…] proving the point and That Similac ad (you know the one) – two very different takes on the fuss (what, again?!) surrounding a formula ad. I find […]
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