Lately there has been a lot of discussion about children in cars. Women are being arrested and charged with remarkable crimes like picking up toilet paper while leaving a sleeping child in the car just outside for periods of 3-5 minutes. People online admit they would immediately call 911 if they saw a child in the car, regardless of circumstance.
Folks, what happened to common sense? What happened to being part of that society where people help each other out instead of condemn without information? Instead of quickly judging and acting harshly, possibly causing irrevocable damage to the child in the form of foster homes or removal from a parent, can we try to be a tiny bit more rational? A bit more helpful?
I’m only one mom, but I would like to share what I think of as common sense questions to ask yourself before you dial those three numbers and change a family’s life forever.
Question #1: What’s the weather like?
This has to be stated first because if it’s too hot or too cold (and this needs to take into account that inside a car will be much hotter in the summer than it is outside and can be very cold in the winter in some places) and you can’t see a parent nearby and haven’t seen a parent nearby (e.g., if you see a mom pumping gas then going to pay for said gas, this likely isn’t the emergency), call 911 immediately and try to break the glass (not next to the baby but another seat, don’t need to have shards of glass on the child) to get the child out immediately. This is the one situation in which you simply don’t mess around.
Question #2: What kind of parking lot is it?
Are you in the parking lot of a huge mall? An office building? Or at a gas station or just outside the butcher or pizza store or convenience store? This can help put things into context. A child in a locked car in the parking lot of an office building or large mall is more likely to have been accidentally (or intentionally) forgotten than a child just outside the butcher. The trips into the butcher or pizza place or gas station (for example) are also likely to be 5 minute runs whereas a trip to the mall or office is likely to be hours.
Now, presuming you’ve answered question #1 in a manner that means you’re comfortable waiting a bit, I would say regardless of where you are, give the parent the benefit of the doubt and wait 5 minutes. See what happens. Does the parent come out of the butcher 1 minute later with a package and hop back into the car? Your watching is you taking a small role in our society to ensure the child is safe just in case (because statistically not much is likely to happen when the weather is cooperating). Now if a parent doesn’t arrive out or see you and come out to tell you they have an eye on their car and child, you can consider calling someone, once you establish the answer to questions #3a and b.
Question #3: (a) How old is the child? (b) Is the child distressed?
The way in which we should consider responding will vary greatly based on the age of the child in the car. An infant left alone should elicit our concern more than a 3- or 4-year-old and they should elicit more concern than an 8-year-old. Are there multiple children in the car, with an older sibling looking out for a younger one? The age and number of kids should influence your actions. And yes, an 8-year-old is capable of looking after a younger sibling for 5 minutes.
Mixed in with this is the concern over how distressed the child is. In hot weather, a child may seem to be sleeping yet may have already passed out which is why I said you don’t mess around no matter what the answers to the other questions are. Any child who is crying in the car is in need of help. This means you may need to call 911 or break a window or try to identify the parent asap. Your choice of action will depend on where you are. If you’re at a gas station, probably no need to call 911 before you pop your head into the station and ask around for the parent. If you’re in a shopping mall parking lot, calling 911 or breaking a window is a much better response.
But what if the child isn’t upset? At this stage, no matter where you are (again, provided there’s no concern about the weather), waiting 5 minutes is something that allows you to keep an eye on the child while seeing if you’re dealing with a parent quickly running in somewhere or someone who has actually forgotten or neglected their child. Again, if no parent arrives and you’re in a spot where finding the parent would be nearly impossible (like an office or mall parking lot), calling 911 is a logical step.
Question #4: What kind of neighbourhood are you in?
A final consideration that needs to be made is what kind of neighbourhood are you in. If you live in a high-crime area, you may be more inclined to call 911 immediately because the risks are higher of someone stealing the car or harming the child. If, however, you’re in a safe area, these risks are quite minimal and the only considerations should be the state of the child and the length of time you give a parent to return.
***
In short, unless there is a pressing need to call 911, giving a parent five minutes to return should not be asking too much in a society where we ought to care for others instead of being ready to ruin their lives. Remember: Calling 911 opens a big can of worms for a family and it may be a parent who made a decision about what they believed was best for their child. These are not parents that need CPS on their backs or criminal records. If you really feel strongly about it, stick around and talk to the parent about your concerns. Perhaps you’ll make them consider something else, but if not, it’s not because they don’t love their children, but because they simply are weighing the risks in a different manner to you, and they may not be wrong. The overarching concern for everyone should be the safety and well-being of the child and having a parent arrested for paying for gas or picking up a pizza is not in line with that.
YES. Kids left alone in cars is not a black-and-white issue, and just because I would not do something personally does not mean I should automatically judge someone else for making that decision; I do not know them or the circumstances that caused them to think that way. So long as the child is not in immediate physical danger, and so long as other criteria such as what you describe are met, waiting 5 minutes seems like a perfectly reasonable option. If only more parents would think this way.
Yes. Thank you for a sane response! I posted this story to Facebook and it’s amazing to see how many people would call 911 no matter what. Amazing and sickening.
I live in Australia and a mum friend of mine told me her day care was next to a petrol station, and the workers actually warned the parents not to leave the kids in the car when paying because, as childcare workers they were required to report it. Basically once the parent steps over 5 meters away from the vehicle, they’ve gotta report it.
That is such rubbish, they are lying or just plain misinformed (I’d guess the latter). It is not illegal in Australia to leave children in the car unless it is to hot or they are distressed.
Children left unattended in car laws
It is illegal to leave a child unattended in a vehicle in all states and territories of Australia.
In Victoria, it is illegal to leave a child unattended in a vehicle under the Children, Youth and Families Act (2005). The penalties for leaving a child unattended in a car in Victoria include:
A fine (currently $3,690), or;
A maximum of 6 months jail
Children, Youth and Families Act (2005)
Section 494 – Offence to leave a child unattended
Page 386
http://www.kidsafevic.com.au/road-safety/hot-cars/children-left-unattended-in-car-laws
The legislation actually states that you cannot leave a child unattended (anywhere, not just in a car) without making ‘reasonable provision for the child’s supervision and care for a time which is unreasonable having regard to all the circumstances of the case.’ I’d argue that leaving a child for a minute to pay for petrol/pick something up (provided they are safe, not distressed and it’s not too hot) is not unreasonable. There is no mention of a ‘5 metre rule’ or similar.
The Kidsafe infographic on a linked page (http://www.kidsafevic.com.au/road-safety/hot-cars) advocates the same approach as Tracy is suggesting (look for parents, call emergency assistance if they cannot be found or child is distressed).
I’m just pleased that our local service station has a pay at the pump option, so I don’t need to decide whether to leave them or drag them in with me to pay. I wish more places had this option!
I figure if there is a kid old enough that they are capable to lock/unlock and open/close the vehicle’s doors, they’re well-equipped enough to hang out while the parent makes a quick run. Being the oldest, watching my younger siblings from 8 years and up while mom made a run into the store was normal.
We’re also from where the temperatures get to 125F regularly in the summer, so I have a learned reaction to judge anyone who leaves infants/toddlers unattended in the vehicle, regardless of their reasoning. I don’t see judgement as inherently negative, as it is just about understanding the risks and a prompt to analyze the situation further. That judgement might mean I simply check in and verify the child is taken care of, or that I see reason to escalate by breaking a window/calling police. But, it is judgement all the same, because there is never an okay time to pass by an unattended child and not quickly ask yourself, “I know this can be dangerous, so what risk factors are present?”
That said, I would hope to move toward a society where calling the police wasn’t about choosing between “ruining lives” or not. If police could implement this sort of judgement call alongside Good Samaritans, it would be a much better system to educate parents and keep children safe. Why and how the parents in the article did not come to the same conclusion in assessing the risk as the “Good Samaritans” or the police is definitely worth highlighting, and I think you’re right that it shows a need for bridging the gap between “never acceptable” and “acceptable” by holding some sort of discussion about standards of safety (what is the weather, can the parent see their vehicle, how is the neighborhood, etc) when leaving a child unattended or out of sight for a period of time.
All of the incidents described bring me to the conclusion that common sense is a rare commodity these days. Schools suspending students as young as five and six years old because they hold their hand like a gun and say bang, or a child made to sit in isolation and his lunch thrown away because he has a couple of cookies in his lunchbox. For my sake, it’s a good thing this was not an issue when I was raising my two boys because I am sure I would have been locked up. Don’t get me wrong,, I won’t even leave my dog in the car when the outside temperature is above 70 degrees, but to wake a sleeping child, take them out of the car seat and carry them in
to pay for gas is ridiculous. Waiting five minutes to assess the situation, unless the child is distressed, seems like a reasonable action. The police taking a mother away from her child would certainly be a very scary scenario for a child, possibly doing more harm than good!
As someone who was in the care system thanks to real neglect, these stories really sadden me. The harm you are doing to the child by putting them in danger of entering the care system when they have loving parents is far, far greater than being left in a car for a short period of time. I read these articles and am so glad I do not live in the US…
[…] Evolutionary Parentting heeft het over even nadenken voordat je ouders aangeeft voor verwaarlozing. […]
I have four brothers, adopted as adolescents out of the foster care system in one of the wealthier New England states. I would never involve CPS unless I was sure I wasn’t doing more harm than good. Abuse in the system is a VERY real danger, and in two out of four, the abuse in the system was far worse than the abuse/neglect at the homes they were removed from. I can only assume in less affluent areas of the country this is magnified.
I recently called the police after seeing a panting dog in a car in a target parking lot. Little, overweight, dog. No windows even cracked, 65 degrees in full sun. I was out of my car 15 minutes and it was HOT when I got back in. That car had been there before me. I was at work, running an errand, and had to make it back for a meeting. I called the store, they were not enthusiastic saying they didn’t own the parking lot… So after waiting 8 minutes when I had to leave, I called the local police.
Depending on the place, temp, and age… I would give kids and their parents at least as much consideration… Though unless the oldest kid was at least 8, I don’t think I’d ever just leave, no matter what… That still doesn’t mean I’d call the police after 5 minutes. But if in danger? I think I’m able to spot that as an actuality not an assumption,…
I hope it didn’t seem like I proposed just leaving. I think waiting is ideal and if you can go longer than 5 minutes, great! If not, I think that’s a fair time to see if a parent is coming out or notices you.
When my premature son was born my pediatrician did NOT want him in my daughter’s preschool – even for a minute. He wanted me to leave him in the car for the minute it took to walk her in to school. Things are not always as they seem.
No no no! You do not ever need to leave an infant in the car even for “just 5 minutes ” – take your baby with you or do not bring your baby on your trip. There’s no reason you can’t undo the buckle and take your baby.
If your baby fell asleep but you need to pop into a store that sucks for you – you may have to get them back to sleep later, but you do not leave them in a car. I’d call the cops immediately. And tell the parent they’re an idiot.
A little older where they can have the window rolled down and get into and out of the car and seat belt or beep the horn if a stranger is coming by the car I understand
They absolutely should be arrested. In many states, including Arizona, it’s illegal, with good reason. Children have died. Babies. Have. Died.
Not just from the heat, which can and has killed dozens of children, but from cars being stolen.
“Oh, I leave the doors locked and the car running!”
A running vehicle is so much more likely to be stolen! And what do you think that carjacker will do with your [unexpected, unwanted] child? They sure as hell aren’t going to take them to daycare!
Hopefully, going along with common sense, you don’t leave the car running or doors unlocked. However, to answer the question of what tare they going to do with the unwanted child – most actually do leave them somewhere or leave the car. Carjackers aren’t often murderers. They want out of that situation very quickly.
Also….why is it so hard to bring the child in with you? Even if it’s a 5 minute stop, they make baby carriers and pop up strollers that are reasonably priced and convenient to use. Why Is it being made an inconveniene to bring your child in with you. My feelings are that if it’s a quick trip, have someone else do it for you or just don’t go if it’s that much of a hassle. It’s really not that difficult to take the extra time to get your child (I’m picturing infant) situated to bring with you even if it takes an extra 5 to 10 mins out of your time. Also, if you are carrying them in their carseat-hey there’s your arm workout! You also get the satisfaction of knowing they are safe with you rather than anticipating something bad happening to them while you are not with them.
Children have died from a lot of things – and I’d be willing to bet that every single parent alive allows their children to do something that someone somewhere has died from. I think this argument that *because someone has died* from something is actually really funny, because – let’s look at the statistics of children who have died in motor vehicle accidents. I would suppose that they’re probably a LOT higher than the number of children who have died from exposure in a non-moving vehicle. And yet, do we call CPS on a parent who buckles their child into a vehicle and then DRIVES? Even though the risk of that child dying simply because they are in a car and driving is MUCH higher than if the parent never let that child leave their house? Or do we let that parent (just as we take this risk ourselves) take that risk with their child? And what if our neighbor decided to stop taking that risk – what if our neighbor decided that until their child was old enough to drive themselves, they would not allow the child into a moving vehicle at. all. I’m sure in some locations/families that might be possible. Would it then give that parent the right to judge US on the fact that WE choose to put our children in our vehicles and take them places? Food for thought.
I absolutely agree, I grew up in Arizona, I have 2 children one being a year old and the other a small infant. I don’t even leave them for a minute, a second… Nothing not even in a shopping cart! I don’t trust people. And I would never leave my child unattended in the car cause of how hot it is here, how stupid people are here And what if they choked or something? I don’t leave them alone even at home if I forget something.
You are a horrible person. Just another internet Karen being a echochamber with no regard that your actions have consequences. Ok, you called the police a destroyed a family. The kid is now in foster care never to know his family. If it’s anything like my brother he was raped and beaten while in these group homes. He committed suicide on his 19th birthday. Good job good Samaritan, pat yourself in the back.
“The road to hell is paved with good intentions”
I find it disturbing that some people do not give the parent the benefit of the doubt. Calling the cops immediately without even waiting 5min is absurd. (provided temperature and child’s disposition isn’t a concern) The statistics of something bad happening in such a short time frame is to suggest maniacs are everywhere, wandering around looking in parked cars just hoping to discover an unattended child. It’s paranoia, and that’s personal choice to raise one’s own family that way. But to haphazardly make a call to police will bring more harm than good. It is disillusioned to think this is looking out for child’s safety, when no harm is present. If I saw a child, or animal sweltering in a hot car I’d be the first without hesitation to call 911, animal control, break the window. I assess a situation and take appropriate action. That’s what this article points out. To give a parent the benefit of the doubt for 5 min, providing there is no imminent danger is not too much to ask. Feel free to give them a piece of your mind when they arrive back at their car in a couple minutes. Causing trouble for them when their is no danger is simply a power trip. This isn’t a village of people looking out for one another, this is a mob wanting to see someone hang.
So a stranger who is more concerned with your child’s safety than you are should babysit your child for 5 minutes, hoping you will return? I have a better option, take your kid in with you. If you can’t, find a baby sitter or don’t go. THAT is common sense.
I want to amend my comment a little. I just read another article where there was a 4 year old sleeping in the car with an 8 year old. In that case and situations like that, yeah, leave your kids in the car. I was thinking of infants and toddlers. They should never be left in the car.
It’s a response to that article that I wrote this and why I said age should absolutely be a consideration.
I disagree with this. I have 3 kids. I live in Arizona and I don’t care what the circumstance or the weather I am calling the police if a child is left in a car. Yes it is a pain in the butt to wake a child and have them scream. Yes it is a pain when you have to hold your child when you are going pee in a public restroom. But your kids should never be left alone in a car. Shame on the mothers who leave there kids in the car.
It’s not about whether you would leave your kid in the car or not. It’s about whether you have the right, as a disinterested observer, to call CPS and ruin someone’s life because you don’t approve of the way they parent or the decisions they make, without having any information or context other than what you see in front of your nose. Mind your own business!
It absolutely is about whether kids are being left in the car. In Australia, five mins is too long to wait, baby would be dead. Ruining the parents’ life doesn’t even enter into it, saving the baby does. Children are everyone’s business.
And because of temperature. Thus it would fall under the response to question #1 which clearly says to act immediately. If you get outside of that though, Martin is right. It’s an issue of what is right and appropriate for a bystander to do when there’s no risk.
thank you for some common sense! My son was napping in the car in his car seat and I had ten minutes to kill. I saw a side walk sale with lots of books that looked interesting. It was 70 degrees outside on a overcast day. Perfect weather. I stopped the car. Rolled the windows down. Locked the doors and walked ten feet from the car and looked at books at the sidewalk sale. A lady who was parked next to my car about died when she saw my child sleeping in his car seat in perfect weather and before she could even pick up her phone to call 911 I was there explaining that I was watching the entire time from a few feet away. She was so upset at me and it upset me. It’s my kid. I had my eye on the car the whole time. I was a few feet away. I don’t get it. People need to calm the freak down. My neighbor had CPS called on her due to a misunderstanding of another hyper judge mental mom and despite them having to do a full report and determining that my friend and her husband were excellent parents she was so scared and her kids couldn’t sleep and everyone in the family suffered from anxiety just thinking they could be separated. Sit by the car for 5 minutes if the kids aren’t in harm before calling 911 and ruining a family.
[…] skills met baby’tjes weer op in Tante Daan past op Evolutionary Parentting heeft het over even nadenken voordat je ouders aangeeft voor verwaarlozing. Liesbeth Oerlemans zoekt naar de gemene deler tussen voedingsadviezen. De Groen Vrouw tenslotte […]