What is My Philosophy?
Too often people think sleep is something that is its own entity, that exists in a vacuum, unaffected by anything other than wake times and windows, so-called bad habits, and getting the right schedule. Unfortunately this isn’t the case. Sleep is incredibly complex and affected by a variety of factors including temperament, daily routines, what we eat, how often we eat, our relationships with others, and so much more. When we examine sleep through this lens, we can see that not only are some of the changes we desire not things that our kids will go to easily, but we can also see that in order to facilitate any change, we have to be open to doing this holistically.
I firmly believe that to help families, I need to understand the family, the needs of everyone involved, and how various factors are playing out in their current situation. As such, I consider the following areas as essential to any sleep coaching:
- Setting expectations. If we don’t have the right expectations, no matter what happens, you won’t be happy and neither will your child. This is a complicated part of the process as I know how tired you all are. The problem is that us parents being tired doesn’t necessarily change what our children are capable of or developmentally ready for. And of course, our child’s temperament is going to play a large role in this. If you’re parenting an orchid, this is harder because your child won’t be like all the others you see around you. This doesn’t mean we ignore your tiredness though, as you’ll read below.
- Health. More often than I can count have I seen cases where there are underlying health issues impacting sleep, so I always screen in order to refer off as needed. This can include referrals to any specialist in the field, whether it’s an IBCLC, an OT, an ENT, or even a sleep study. As we know on the small scale, when we’re sick, we don’t sleep as well and this is what happens when we have a larger problem that causes discomfort and distress for our children.
- Physiology. Understanding how our bodies were designed to sleep and the factors that influence this is critical to setting the right environment for sleep. This goes beyond being awake enough, but looking at all the physiological elements that contribute to optimal sleep given our capacity.
- Psychology. We sleep when we feel safe. The problem for us parents is that our kids don’t always feel safe. We are hardwired to be afraid at night – historically, it keeps us alive (and according to research seems to be linked to the nighttime hunting patterns of lions in Africa – read here!). Understanding our children’s psychological needs and how they manifest can help us as parents provide for those needs to maximize sleep.
- Daytime routines. I don’t actually focus too much here because there is huge variability in how we go about our days across cultures and yet babies continue to sleep and develop normally in all of these different situations. There are, however, a few features to consider and I will always look at what the day looks like in order to help families create a flow that works best for their child and their sleep needs.
- Everyone’s well-being. As I mentioned, this isn’t just about sleep, but about making sure everyone has their needs met. One of the most important parts of my job (as I see it), is to help families navigate the minefield that is caring for their own needs while caring for a child – especially a wakeful child. As I remind people regularly, as normal as our children’s sleep is, what isn’t normal is trying to do it all in a nuclear family, without the support of the community. I also know it’s impossible to think of how to meet your needs when you’re stressed out and exhausted because you go into survival mode and are just trying to make it through the day.
What Does the Package Include?
In order to facilitate the above goals, I find that I need more time than most sleep coaches/trainers. There’s a lot to go through here and we don’t want to rush into it all at once. As such, I have put aside four (4) 1-hour calls for my sleep package. In each call we’ll focus on 1-2 of the areas above, based on what are the most pressing needs at each point and will take place over 8 weeks so we have time to evaluate change. In between calls I am in touch as much or as little as you want via your preferred means of communication. I find this helpful to address small questions and make tweaks as needed or just to be there to let you vent your frustrations and struggles. Sometimes we just need to know someone is listening, and I can tell you, I hear you.
To sum, you will receive:
- 4 1-hour sessions with me (via Zoom, Skype, or Phone) over 8 weeks. In each of these calls we will review areas of concern and set up an action plan for the following 2 weeks (ish) for you to work on. Each action plan will only involve 2-3 things so that it’s not overwhelming and we can determine what works, what doesn’t, and what needs tweaking. I will set up my account so you can record these calls (and thus be saved on your account) so you can refer back to our calls as needed.
- Email or WhatsApp support for the duration of the calls. This is probably one of the most essential components to what I do. It’s one thing to have information and try to make changes, but often what we need is someone there to vent to after a crappy night, to answer questions as they cause us worry, and to just be there when we need someone who will listen and understand. For our time together, I am that person.
- Standard documents on sleep. I have created sleep courses in the past and want to share this information with you to provide you with more documentation for your journey. It won’t be personalized – it’s why we have the calls – but it will provide you with much-needed information about expectations, sleep patterns, general information on changes, and so on. In this way, the information is there if you choose to approach other changes after our time together has ended.
